The Extraordinary Ordinary

Here's hoping 3 is better than 2......and I don't mean babies!

2011-10-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

Will I ever get this child back? Not too long ago, Gunnar wasn't 2. He wasn't the reigning terror in our home. He wasn't the sassy mouth getting angry and using the word "hate." He wasn't peeing on my couch and talking about things that scare him. He wasn't determined to have his way. He didn't have a baby brother to pinch, smack, and tackle. He was my baby. My love bug.
Where did the warm fuzzies of parenting go? Don't get me wrong, Gunnar is an undeserved blessing and being his mama is awesome and stuff, but dang I had no idea the terrible twos could be this real! Kids are sponges, they repeat every horrible thing you say. They mimick your finger pointing and voice raising. This must be a sick joke or the greatest lesson I've ever learned. God is using my child to refine and sanctify me!
I'm hoping this too shall pass and I will get my Gunny back. I pray that all the attempts at consistency, discipline, love, and encouragement will pay off and God will reward us with the perfect human specimen. But, just in case that doesn't happen I will keep this picture close by. To remind myself of the joy of babies before the human rebellion takes them over and the imperfections in me get passed down.
Oh Lord, my God. Give me the patience and the grace to see You in my child. To love him with the grace and mercy of Christ. To see the ugliness in myself and desire to be pure like Christ. To inspire in my children love and kindness. To not get angry and rule with an iron fist, but to teach through love.
Deep breaths, mamas. Deep breaths.

Everything is precious.

2011-10-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

Everything is precious.
We had home group tonight and one of our sweet friends shared the most amazing story.
Last week was his son's, who had passed away a few years ago, 24th birthday. On this day he was cleaning out a box of books and found a leather bound journal. He didn't recognize nor remember having it until he began flipping through its mostly blank pages. At the back was a page of two tic-tac-toe games that he remembers playing trying to keep his son occupied during church. Another page had a drawing of a truck. He decided to start writing in the journal and a few days later discovered a page in the middle. It was a drawing of a face and underneath it said this, "I love you Dad. Keep doing your work and keep loving God. I love you." (I can't remember the words exactly.)
As he shared this story my eyes welled up with tears. Tears of sadness for a parent grieving a child. Tears of amazement at this unexpected discovery 14 years later. Tears of sweetness that our God is comforting this Daddy, giving him a sweet reminder that he is loved. That He is there. That He remembers.
Everything is precious. Each moment with our kids is a gift. Each day watching them grow is priceless. Every scribble on a piece of paper. Every smile and kiss. Every bedtime prayer. Every question. These are the moments that we get to enjoy. The smallest unremarkable moment becomes invaluable. What was done to occupy becomes an aid in healing. Memories. Joy.
I am blessed by this reminder that every second is undeserved. There's enough going on today without worrying about what tomorrow brings. If I'm not careful I am going to lose this moment. This time in our lives when my babies are still babies. It's gone by quicker than I ever expected and I wish it would slow down.
I can't imagine the pain this kind of loss brings. I am grateful this story was told tonight in my home. I am thankful for another reminder from God that our children are a precious gift.
Thank you Lord, thank you for my boys. Thank you for the treasure of being Gunnar and Remy's mama.

The blues

2011-09-19T11:14:00.000-07:00

Exhaustion is evil! I feel on the verge of a mental collapse. Gunnar decided about 3 weeks ago that he no longer wanted to sleep in his room. For a week we were able to take turns sleeping with him when he'd wake up. What began as nightmares has now bred and given birth to a nasty habit. I'm all about snuggling with my kids and love the occasional over-nighter in bed with Milam and I. I guess, it's the fact that I'm still waking twice a night to feed Remy and it seems when he's not awake Gunnar is! 3 weeks is too long; Mama's gone crazy!
Exhaustion is defeating and it's taking root in my life. It's making a happy home in my home, in my mind, and in my attitude. The curse of motherhood is the guilt that you need a break, that you want a moment's peace to collect your thoughts and feel human. You feel guilty that because God has blessed you with this gift you should never complain. That something horrible will happen to your kids because you didn't appreciate every moment and needed some time alone. I know this can't be true. I know this is normal, but SERIOUSLY can I get some quiet??? Can I have some refuge in my day? Can I have 30 minutes to read my Bible before the world wakes?
The problem in all this is that it affects every area of my life. I just become angry, anxious, bitter, self-defeating, and mean.
I don't have the answer. The only solution is to lock myself in a room and never come out! Not really.
Mercy....God's mercy.
Grace.....my husband's, my kid's.
Coffee.....all day.
Chocolate.....that needs no explanation!

Dear Gunnar and Remy

2011-09-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

My dear sweet boys,
You are my gift. You each represent an undeserved, unearned gift. I've been chosen as your Mama. I've been given the task to love you and love you well. I've been charged with the honor of introducing you to Jesus. If I dwell too long on that reality I may, right here and right now, become a heap on the floor.
I'll be honest with you and say I'm terrified. I desperately beg everyday that God won't let me fail you. I know I will, and I apologize now. In my imperfections I know His perfection will shine!
Within you lives the Spirit of the Living God! The One and Only. In Him all life flows. Each breath you take belongs to Him.
I want to claim you completely. You are my babies. My loves. My joy. But, you are His. I lay you at His feet and plead the blood of Jesus over you. I claim that each of your days is known in every ordinary detail and in all those moments He would be real to you. That you would recognize each line in His face and each imprint of His hand. That your heart would be so still before Him that in all the noise of this world, His gentle whisper would be the loudest thing you hear.
I want to protect you from all darkness, from every sadness and disappointment, from all insecurity and fear, from all pain and failure. In my humanness I promise to you, my precious boys, to do my best. To fight for you. To stand up against the evil one on your behalf. To defend your innocence.
You are warriors. You are brave and courageous. You are gentle and compassionate. You are truthful and loyal. Mercy and grace are forever on your lips. You defend the defenseless. You shield the vulnerable. You care for the sick. You love with a burning love that can never be extinguished! You are silly, your laughter is my favorite sound! I am proud of you both! I could have never imagined the joy and wonder I feel as your mama.
Thank you Lord, for this gift.

and we're back......

2011-08-26T06:13:00.000-07:00

What is success? We all have an idea of what it means to be successful, that is what we base our self-worth on. Have we reached that "level" that we've decided is "it?" Have we reached the mountaintop that we've allowed someone else to define for us? Are we working towards a feeling that will make us comfortable, safe, and confident in ourselves?

I pitied myself for years because I had never felt successful by society’s standards. Not having those material things that automatically qualify you as a worthy person.

Becoming a parent and stay-at-home mom redefined me in more ways than the obvious. I've begun to realize that I was the one seeing myself as a failure and placing those insecure labels on my family. The last few years have marked the beginning of reconditioned values and desires. Re-evaluating what's important and what your actual needs are is difficult. You admit that you’ve been attempting to keep up with the Jones's and feel ashamed. No one wants to admit they value money above all else. And no one wants to accept that their life is a failure. I certainly wasn’t okay with either admissions.

The Holy Spirit has graciously been reshaping my thinking. When I stop and reflect on my life and what I've been given I am completely overwhelmed. My life is full of blessing after blessing. My mom used to always (and still does) say, "my kids are a success because they walk with Jesus." Typing those words brings tears to my eyes. Of course! What a dumdum I am!

The Proverbs 31 woman describes a wife of noble character as being worth far more than rubies. I don't know if I could hold my own next to a pot full of precious jewels. Would someone really pick me over wealth? Would my husband and kids be better off without me if I was traded in for all the riches in the world? No, they wouldn't!

God has given me the charge and passion to love my dudes. To respect and encourage my husband to do all that God has planned for him. To nurture and cherish my boys to grow into strong, gentle men of courage, men who whole-heartedly chase after Jesus.

I am not defined by how much I have or what my desires of self-promotion are. My love for my husband should not be conditional to how many times he says, "thank you" or voluntarily does the dishes. My love for my sons is not conditional on what they grow up to accomplish and make of themselves.

I am a success because I walk with Jesus. I am worthy of friendship because I can love and support. I am a good mom because I seek God’s wisdom and strength to raise my children through the eyes of Jesus. My marriage is growing and changing shape daily through prayer and a determination to honor God. My family is a gift; the giggles and noise in my house are a constant reminder of innumerable blessings.

Proverbs 27:23-24 (NIV)

Be sure you know the condition of your flocks,

give careful attention to your herds;

for riches do not endure forever,

and a crown is not secure for all generations.

We're almost there!

2010-12-21T18:57:00.000-08:00

37 Weeks Pregnant.

It went by so fast and I'm so excited to see what my little boy looks like. I can't wait to watch Gunnar as a big brother.

I'm praying for a healthy natural birth (quick).

Pregnant.

2010-10-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

29 1/2 weeks! This pregnancy has flown by. I can't believe it's already Halloween! Thanksgiving will be here in a few weeks, then Christmas, then baby! Holy moly. I haven't done a whole lot to prepare for this baby boy, but I'm determined to get my butt in gear. Gunnar needs to be transitioned to his big boy bed, bedrooms need to be switched, baby clothes need to be pulled from the attic, crib quilt needs to be made.....Oh Lord, help me!
However, we have decided on a name; Remy Moses. Big brother calls him Mozee.
Can't wait to meet you little babe!

The most important meal!

2010-10-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

We love breakfast at our house! I'll never understand those people who don't eat breakfast. You know the ones, "I'm just not hungry in the morning." What! I'm like a ravenous wolf in the morning. I can't wait more than 30 minutes after my feet hit the floor to eat something. So, I thought I'd share what our breakfasts look like. Here was our week.

Oatmeal. Gunnar's favorite. "O-meal." Brown sugar, fruit, and almonds!

Pumpkin pancakes with cinnamon apples.

Apples, yogurt, and walnuts with a cinnamon raisin English muffin. (notice the butter!)

Pumpkin bread and fruit salad. (again with the butter.)

Oatmeal again!

Frosted shredded wheat (trader joe's brand without all that HFCS.)

Finally, cream of rice with fruit and almonds.

If you don't eat breakfast, please for my sake, start. It's so worth it!

Acceptance

2010-10-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a rule follower, it's what I do. Following the rules is what I've always done. My parents (as far as I know) have always been pretty proud of my decision making. When you're young you make decisions solely for that purpose; you want your parents to be proud of you. You seek their approvals and affirmations. If you were raised in a Christian home, like I was, you also begin to obey God's "rules" for your parent's approval. My parents are wonderful, loving, Godly people and I am so thankful to have grown up in a family where Jesus was the center. When I came to that adulthood transition it took a few years to re-learn the Gospel of Jesus and claim it truly as my own.

Lately, I've been struggling with grace and what it means to love like Jesus loves. I've been praying that God would give me insight into my own heart and His. An open window into His love for me and how that should reflect in my love for others.

God didn't create guidelines and boundaries as His perimeter for acceptance and approval. He created them as a way to align our hearts with His and find peace in a fallen world. He wants them for my own good not so he can love me more and approve of me. He already does. He already accepted me at salvation, His seal of approval was dry that day. He's not a shake the finger God; the mistakes aren't met with punishments just natural consequences and the nudging of His spirit to live for more. This needs to be applied to my own life and the lives of those around me. Learning to accept God's approval and extend that grace towards others is no small task.

We've become so obsessed with approval and affirmation, dying for someone to acknowledge what we've done and validate who we are. We see love as something to be earned, something we have to continually prove ourselves worthy of. We find ourselves in a constant crisis to keep ourselves interesting, keeping a mental tally of why others should like us. We're convinced that we must do the same with God. Keep Him happy with us so He doesn't take the love and blessings away. Exhausted?

Psalm 139:
vs.2
You know when I sit and when I rise.
vs. 8
If I go up to the heavens you are there; if I make my bed in the depths you are there.

If we had not been made worthy by His blood would the Creator of the Universe be aware of our daily movements? Would He follow us to the depths of our own despair, to the bottomless pit of our humanness? Would He be jealous for our love? Would He endure the heartbreak of watching His Son sacrifice Himself for a people who spit in His face? Surely, you are special. Your heart beats in a one-of-a kind rhythm known only by Him. The day I said "Yes" to God is the day I was made enough. I'm enough. Not what I've accomplished or how many experiences I've had to round out my person.....just me. Grace means loving others through their heartache even if it's self-inflicted and resting peacefully in just plain old me and liking it!

2010-08-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

We went to Dollywood. Gunnar brushed his teeth in hopes of seeing Dolly and giving her a big fat kiss. We looked everywhere for her, but she must have been home on her porch rocking chair in a Smokies surrounded log cabin! I'm mildly fascinated by her and sometimes wish she were my grandmother. She's just so Dolly, you know? There is none other.

Gunnar rode rides, played games, won stuffed animals, ate corn dogs and kettle corn....all in 195 degrees of mountain heat and he ate up every second of it!

Hebrews 11:1, 8

vs.1: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

vs.8: By faith Abraham...obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Everything God asks of us requires faith. In verse 6 of Hebrews 11 it says; "without faith it is impossible to please God." Our faith is our belief; the belief that Jesus died and rose again, paid the price for our sins, and stands as the bridge between us and God. Each step we take across that bridge requires nothing but faith. Faith to accept salvation belongs to the Lord and not us. Faith to walk the path that raises questions of where, how, why, and when. Faith to hold the hand of the One we can't see. Faith to obey when we feel anxious and uncertain.

Faith seems to be a willingness to believe that in all things God is in control and works all things together for our good. The heart of a faithful servant recognizes that in all earthly things there is discomfort and uncertainty, but in Christ all things lead to Heaven. All we do and work towards is bringing glory and honor to Him and our reward is eternal life with Him. Part of our exercises of faith should include placing the treasures of our heart in Jesus and His promises of what's to come.

vs. 13c,14a,16: "And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own... Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one."

Lord, I pray that I would learn from the mistakes of those like Jonah who ran from You in fear. Being thrown into Your pursuing storm, experiencing the darkness of disobedience inside a whale, all to be once again in Your companionship and plan. May I learn from those like Noah who obeyed the unfathomable and radical requests all to be spared and used as the keeper of all Your creation. Thank you for patience and grace, and Your all-pursuing nature who never allows us to wander too far.

'...Faith is not a once-done act, but a continuous gaze of the heart at the Triune God. Believing, then, is directing the hearts' attention to Jesus. It is lifting the mind to "behold the Lamb of God," and never ceasing that beholding for the rest of our lives.' A.W. Tozer

It's been too long.

2010-07-18T07:19:00.000-07:00

I'm back! I've been gone for months, it was heartbreaking to neglect my blog but I'm officially 15 weeks pregnant today!! I can be excited now, but the first 2 1/2 months of this baby were absolute hell. Pure, head in the toilet 24 hours a day, hell. So, although I thought of blogging often I could never quite find the strength to do it. Praise the Lord I am feeling like a human being again. We've been busy this summer so I'll skip the nasty details and get to the enjoyable parts!

Gunnar discovered a love for summer grub; corn on the cob and watermelon are his top choices.

I spent some time with my Grandma at our family reunion. She is my hero. I love her and there's nothing else to it.

Gunnar and his second cousin Julian had lots of boy time at the reunion.

Somehow the summer sun has made my child cuter. I didn't know it was possible for him to be more adorable.

Pool time!

We got to the beach early enough to miss the oil.

Eating sand or seaweed!

We've had a great summer so far. Sadly, our garden hasn't done as well as we hoped. The tomatoes are growing like weeds with no fruit, but we've had tons of basil, squash, and jalapenos. Maybe next year we'll do better. I'm off again this week to Ohio for more family stuff, Milam and Gunnar will be holding the fort down!

I'm praying this post gets me back into the blogging spirit!

Says who?

2010-05-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

If someone calls you weird it's a compliment in my book. If someone says your outfit is interesting that just means you're way to cool for the average to comprehend. If someone makes fun of you because you're in bed by 9:45 or because you watch the Food Network that just means you don't care about being cool! I'm weird. My clothes can be considered interesting on any given day. I'm in bed by 9:00 and the Food Network is king! Let's all be weird together!

Bringing up boy.

2010-05-06T11:14:00.000-07:00

The lessons I've learned from my son. I often wonder why some people are given boys to raise and some are given girls. I realize a lot of people are given both, and one day I may be one of those. For the time being I was chosen to raise a boy. There are so many things I love about my boy that are so different from the way I grew up in a house full of girls. Our house was full of all things girl even down to every single dog we ever had. My sister's first born was Stella....a girl. The moment I got pregnant my husband knew it was going to be a boy. His family is the complete opposite of mine....all boys. Even the cousins are all boys. So of course everyone said I was destined for boy! They were all right.
We were walking this morning and I started thinking of all the lessons I've learned from my son.
1. There is no rest for the weary. He is a non-stop ball of fiery energy.
2. I've accomplished something quite amazing when at the end of the day he is tucked safe and sound in his bed. Danger is a boy's middle name.
3. My need for perfection is completely impossible. I like having things in order and a clean house. If I want to die from absolute insanity I would spend my days cleaning up after him. Instead I've learned that Mama's time to enjoy a clean house is after he's gone to bed and I have exactly 12 hours of organized bliss. Too bad the majority of those are spent sleeping.
4. It only takes a smile. Or a kiss or a hug. They can save your day.
5. The human spirit is strong and determined. This can prove difficult but mostly just amazing.
6. The brain is quick and desperate to grow. Gunnar is a sponge for learning animal sounds, learning to throw trash away, putting caps on bottles, and saying words.
7. He is not my own. I want to take absolute ownership of my son, but alas he is not my own. I have been entrusted with him. It's my job to teach, nurture, and love. I must leave the rest up to God.
8. Dirt is oh so cool. What more can I say?
9. Dogs are truly man's best friend. Pearl may choose a different best friend if given the choice, seeing as how hers pokes her eyes and bites her tail. But overall I'd say she's happy with her lot and Gunnar couldn't be more smitten.
10. Water is intended for splashing. That's why it was created.
11. Prayer is my constant companion. Parenthood is terrifying and my reliance on the Holy Spirit has never been more urgent.
12. Joy. Children are joy.
13. I am not all that important. Although I do believe in moms getting a break on a regular basis I've also learned that living my life only for me is not all that exciting. I mean how bored would I be if I had all day to sit and read a book without being interrupted by tackles and biting? Bored.
14. Naked is the only way to live. The smiles are bigger, the missions grander, and the feet somehow move quicker without clothes. I don't get it.

My son is adorable, cuddly, sneaky, rowdy, sweet, silly, charming, hilarious, stubborn, ferocious, smart, and stinky. I love him.
Thank you Lord for choosing me to raise a boy. Give me the energy to keep up and the silliness to laugh it off. Give me thick skin to survive the wrestles and arms wide enough to hug when he's bigger than me.

One whole week.

2010-05-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

It's been one week since our last post. The reason being, my husband took the good computer and I am a woman of very low tolerance for difficult technology. I will throw a computer across the room! I need to calm down! Anyways...

This is what our week looked like.

Lots of Stella time! She really does give the best smooches.

We had crazy rain and flooding in Nashville over the weekend. It was devastating and the city is still recovering. This is my parents back yard; ducks were swimming! Luckily, the rain has stopped but there are still a lot of people in need and many have severe damage to their homes.

We did have some nice weather before the rains began.

Garden duck obsession.

Not willing to get the butt wet in the cold water!

I love him.

And.....how are you so cool?

We've made it another week without Milam. Doing well, I might add. We miss him but are staying busy! And I've managed to conquer my fear of sleeping in the house alone. It helps that my baby sister is sharing the bed and I've been praying for peace, safety, and rest to be ever present in our house!

Tour, bodily functions, books, and exhaustion.

2010-04-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

So oddly enough, my husband left for tour on Sunday night. My bro Matt asked him to be his guitar tech for 3 weeks. I never thought my husband would tour again and although I'm excited for his adventure I can honestly say I don't miss him leaving home all the time. It's been six years since he last toured and it seems like an eternity. Now having a kid involved in the process makes it even harder. I give major props to all you mamas who have touring husbands. You deserve all the love, support, help, and days off you can get! I thought I'd give a little peek into our first day without Dad!

Since Matt's gone and my sister is at work Gunnar and I will be having Stella days!
Don't be fooled by these sweet naked babies.........

Neither one of the two wanted to get dressed after bath-time. So like every smart mom does I let them run around naked. Not a minute in I notice that my son is using the bathroom on the dog's bed! So like every mom does I stuck my hand out to catch. Gross. As I'm snapping a pic, flushing it down, and washing my hands I notice he wasn't quite finished. Not only was he still going but he had stepped in it and was tracking it on the carpet. I grabbed him as quick as possible and threw him back in the tub. Crisis averted, as I'm cleaning poo out of my carpet (which by the way I'm glad I haven't gotten around to the steam cleaning I'd been planning!), Stella breaks out in the sort of cry where nothing comes out and she's not breathing.....the serious kind. My vampire child had bit her and broken the skin on a sweet innocent little finger. Jerk! The only thing I could do was throw them on the bed and turn Little Bear on and they got instantly cozy and comfy like nothing happened. My child is a monster. A mad man. A genuine boy. Pooping, biting, and making me extremely tired! Oh, how I love those two precious babes!

To unwind my day I put on The Promise Ring, Wood/Water record and started a new book. Another book that I borrowed from my Aunt on our recent trip to Florida. I'll let you know how it goes. I was so tired I only got to page 2. Weak!
Day one down.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendago.

2010-04-23T13:15:00.000-07:00

WARNING!!!! This is what can happen if you aren't paying attention to how quickly your children grow!

Daniel 3:16-18:
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendago replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzer, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

These three men refused to worship an idol and it so infuriated the king that he demanded their murder. Their hearts were already settled that although God was able to rescue them from death He may choose not to. If He chose not to they would obviously lose their lives that day. Whatever the outcome their view of God was the same. Their obedience wasn't dependent on God sparing them, they would be faithful regardless.
How many times a day do we place contingencies on God? "I will obey if You can promise me this..." "I will trust if You keep me safe." "I will believe and love if you remove the stresses of life." We might hate to admit it but sometimes we are in it for what we get out of it. Humans work on a, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, system. We've unsuccessfully tried to squeeze God into that box. We are always afraid of putting in more than someone else. We are terrified of working harder but getting paid the same. We are angry that we tithe but still seem to struggle. We give but can't seem to escape the expectation of a "thank you."

I'm encouraged by the faith of these three men and their story. God was good and the preservation of their earthly bodies was not the ultimate gift they sought. They refused to bow down and worship any other gods but Him even if it cost their lives. They weren't praying in absolute desperation that God would be merciful because they knew He always was.
Our expectations seem so futile when based on earthly comforts. We seek out the ease of a human life and avoid the acknowledgement of reality. No matter how many times we're reminded we just can't accept that life is and will be uncomfortable. And despite the heartache God is able, He is good, He is merciful and He is reaching down to rescue us. The fact is, we've already been rescued and everything else is temporary.

"Be content to live for a little while without knowing, and to walk your weary way through the fields of poverty or up the hills of affliction; for before long you shall reign with Christ....
~Charles Spurgeon

Lord, whether it's today or when I'm 90 may I believe Your faithfulness no matter what unfolds before me. May I see myself through Your eyes and not the eyes of fear and doubt. May I place my treasure in You and not temporary comforts. Give me a faith that walks boldly into the furnace, and when I enter Your Presence may I reflect the years of molding and shaping You've done. May I glow with the refinement of Your handiwork.

Brain damage and a little more.

2010-04-22T10:09:00.001-07:00

So, I recently got this new iphone case called pong. It was tested and certified by the FCC (federal communications commission) to reduce cell phone radiation. It's scary to think about the damage that our cell phones could actually be doing and the effects that can have on our quality of life. With all the radiation being emitted it seems obvious that it will result in some type of damage that can affect you and your kids! So, I've been trying out this new case and though there's no way to know if it's working I do feel more peace of mind.

As you can tell the case is bright green. I actually don't mind the color, it makes for easy spotting when Gunnar takes off through the house with it!

It's a silicone case and the back has grippers on it so it's easy to hang on to.

This is the module that moves the radiation up and away from killing your precious brain cells or whatever it is those nasty waves do!

My only complaint with the case is the side cut-out for the ringer switch could be slightly bigger. It's tricky getting your finger in there to give it a switch on or off!

I've really enjoyed my new case and like I said it does give me a little more peace of mind.

www.pongresearch.com: if you want to check out more. And if you happen to order one use the code HGIMT when you check-out for $10 off!

In other news, my child is a stud. What more can I say! He's ridiculously cool!

boys, vegetables, and me.

2010-04-19T07:42:00.001-07:00

My little wild thing. He really is wild. I'm frightened.

Sesame Street....we love you!

Our first attempt at gardening. There was a tomato garden here at one point so we expanded. We're keeping our fingers crossed and our hopes low; not one of my fingers is even slightly green!

In other news I read these two verses this morning and I'm hoping they will keep me in check today. If you are anything like me you might need to hear these too!

Psalm 141:3-4a

Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil.

Proverbs 29:11

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Happy?

2010-04-12T07:27:00.000-07:00

When I'm having a bad day I often imagine someone asking me, "Are you happy?" I like to sit and chew over my response. Sometimes it's robotic, "Of course I'm happy." Sometimes defensive, "What, like you're way happier than I am?" Sometimes heartbreaking, "I'm not sure."

What is happiness anyways? What makes any one person happier than the next? What "right" and "wrong" choices were made to create this state of being happy?

Psalms 16:11

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

The presence of God, Ah...there it is; my joy. There are so many things in life that have drawn their swords ready to defeat my happiness. It could be something as small as not getting some alone time in my day. It could be the exhaustion of caring for my family. Maybe it's hormones that are out of my control. Or maybe I'm allowing my mind to wander in moments of weakness to different paths I could have chosen. Is it regret? Is it discontentment? There are a million things that can keep me from feeling happy today, but I remind myself of the joy! I can make the choice. I can choose happiness in spite of circumstances or surroundings. Joy is not dependent on making the right decision. It's solely held in the presence of Jesus! Can any of us truly say we are happy every moment of every day? Are we all so ashamed of our own vulnerabilities to admit there are moments of doubt, frustration, or sadness? After all, we are living in a fallen and shaky world. Of course these emotions do exist! We are all given a free will and we've all been irresponsible with it. But Hallelujah we have a gracious Lord who doesn't make our joy dependent on ourselves. We can choose to be happy in Him! And what freedom there is when we admit our lives are not the things that make us happy. The mercy of God showers us with relationships and unique experiences that are worth a million smiles and gigantic belly laughs. The gift and challenge is recognizing His face behind each and every one of them.

Are you happy? Am I happy? Yes and no. The day has started out well and I feel good. I do have a sick baby which could quickly turn my morning sour. He's whiny and I'm tired. I may have to focus hard to see His face through all the snot and coughing, but it's there! He's smiling at me, through me, through my son, through my sleepiness, through my nerves, through the breeze! It's there I can feel it. I can choose it for myself!

Lord, in You I find joy and happiness. Even when days are bad your goodness is enough. Even when I lose control of my mind and my emotions go crazy you are good and I choose to find joy in your presence. Forgive me for making my happiness so dependent on temporal circumstances and inconveniences. Make me more like you. May my face shine with smiles of Heaven and may I be brave enough to admit my own weaknesses and struggles. In your lovely name, Amen.

Food from Heaven.

2010-04-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

Gorgeous wild flowers compliments of my darling sister Danielle; affectionately known as Danni.

Manna.

Numbers 11:4b-6

"If only we had meat to eat! We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost-also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic. But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but manna!"

I am reading a book about 5 women in the Bible who changed history by their faithfulness to God. It's a retelling of their lives and stories. In the account of Rahab the prostitute it brings up the Israelites camped outside Jericho. When the spies sent by God entered the house of Rahab, she offered them something to eat. The men refused the food because never in their lives had they eaten anything but manna. Instantly I was hooked on this idea of manna. I couldn't stop thinking about the generation of people whose parents were brought out of slavery in Egypt. A generation who had never tasted a sweet fruit or a crisp vegetable. Who never enjoyed a juicy steak or a filet of wild salmon! All they ever knew was the taste of manna, rained down from heaven each morning! Maybe to them it wasn't a big deal, they had never known anything else. However, to the earlier generations who had enjoyed all food groups this manna was getting old!

There are 3 points made by Bible gateway in the purposes of Manna; the lessons God would teach.

1. God's bounty leaves room for man's duty. (They must get up each morning to gather their daily portion and make it into a bread or cake or whatever else they created. It wasn't going to grind itself!)

2. To be content with enough. (God commanded them to take enough only for the day, except on the day before the Sabbath they were permitted to gather two days portion. The manna would spoil if kept any longer.)

3. To depend upon Providence. Let them sleep quietly, though they have no bread in their tents, nor in all their camp, trusting that God, with the following day, would bring them in their daily bread. It was surer and safer in God's storehouse than their own and would come sweeter and fresher. (Every morning God never failed in providing for their very basic needs.)

God became angry with the grumbling of the people. It wasn't their desire for new foods that angered God, it was their greed, ungratefulness, and sense of entitlement. They were looking back so fondly on what they had eaten as slaves! Slaves who were in fear of their own lives every day; beaten and murdered. They had forgotten where they had been and what they had been saved from. The desert wandering had begun to gnaw away at the joy of being freed. They looked upon this new life as a burden. The taste of Heaven's provision no longer tasted as sweet, instead it was dull and lifeless. God would eventually send quail down again for the people to eat and in verse 34 of Chapter 11 it says, "there they buried the people who craved other food."

I'm fascinated in so many ways by this story. 1. That God rained down food from Heaven! Every morning providing for His children in a real tangible pick up and eat kind of way!

2. There was a whole generation of people who lived a completely one-dimensional diet. God provided every nutrient, all the fiber, all the protein, all the calcium....they needed to walk through the desert!

3. They began to complain and remember longingly their days of slavery because at least the food was good. Their freedom was second to their tastes. Their ungratefulness was scoffing at the bread falling from Heaven. Their entitlement overshadowed the memory of beatings, humiliation, and fear.

4. God punished them not for their desires but for them allowing those desires to turn into anger and greed. God's provision was no longer good enough.

In what ways is God showering me new each morning with provision? Am I grumbling that it's not enough or it doesn't taste right. Or maybe my neighbor has what I want. Am I looking at the unwise and foolish with envy because their gain is bigger and grander than mine; their table fuller and sweeter? Have I scoffed at the hand of God? Have I grown weary of its taste in my mouth? Lord, forgive me.

He is Risen!

2010-04-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

I love celebrating Easter. I wish I was forever in thoughts of the Cross and the sacrifice God made in sending His Son and in Jesus giving His life for me. Our weekend was full of remembrance, joy, celebration, and family.
Gunnar loves pink eggs. He doesn't want blue or green; only pink.
Sweet face.
Stella has many faces.
Angry.
Shocked.
Sweet.
Sad.
Happy.
Marmi and Popper.
Nonna and Poppa T.
My crew.
The ladies.
What family portraits looked like before husbands and babies.

We were also joined for party time by the Baysingers (who refuse photographs), Uncle Red and Aunt Jo, Chelsea and Tec Petaja, and Mike and Deb Hughes.....who we adore but I think I was too exhausted by the time they showed up to break out the camera again!

I love you all.

He is Risen indeed!

ps. The reason I'm exhausted is, I hosted all these beautiful people at our house today! It was fun to have everyone squeezed in and eating yummy food together.

Sunshine Adventure.

2010-03-30T18:19:00.000-07:00

Gunnar and I just returned from a trip to St. Augustine, FL. We went to visit my Aunt and Uncle. We had such a great time, and although we missed Daddy, we weren't ready to come home. Beach bum.

Very first carousel ride.
He's like my very own potted plant!
Sand, sand, and more sand.
Adult beach food! Yes.
Uncle Paulie bonding time.
Aunt Cheryl bonding time.
My Aunt is an amazing cook, so she taught me how to make apple pie!

We went to Zumba, ate yummy Spanish food, drank wine, talked about books, shopped, cooked.......Gunnar and I had the best time and can't wait to take Milam back with us!

Traveling.

2010-03-16T10:38:00.000-07:00

A German Castle! Yup, it's a castle.
Why can't my house look like this one. Not to mention it shares a courtyard with the Pantheon in Rome.
If I can't have the charming Italian storefront I'll take this German gem.

I love to travel. Going back through my pictures of our Europe trip makes me long for adventure. To see something beautiful and different. Old and breathtaking. America is great and all but there is just something so alluring about Europe. It's so ancient and historic. I'm a nut for architecture whereas my husband wants museums. The one thing we agree on is eating as much food as possible on a vacation!

Anywho....I got to thinking of how fun trips are, but how nothing beats that feeling of coming home. That feeling of making it through customs, surviving the long flights, finding your luggage intact, and making your way home. As soon as you turn down the street and spot your house a rest begins to fall. You make your way to the door, kick off the dust and turn the key. Nothing smells so sweet as your own house. It's all you. It's cozy although it might have a slight chill from the absence of warm bodies for a few weeks. All that changes as the blinds are pulled back and the bags begin to unpack. There's nothing better than that first night in your own bed either. Sure, you slept in the most charming hotels and had real espresso at a gas station in Italy, but nothing beats your bed. It's not possible that you actually have that amazing of a bed, but more probable that it's familiar; it fits your body.

The one thing that can be daunting about traveling in a foreign place is that you're never there quite long enough to not feel like a stranger. You almost take on an insecurity that you are an intruder and they can point you out in the crowd. It can be terrifying to feel like an outsider wandering, trying to find your way.

Psalm 39:12 says: I dwell with you as....a stranger.

Spurgeon writes: "It is no marvel, then, if I who live the life of Jesus, should be unknown and a stranger here below. Lord, I would not be a citizen where Jesus was an alien. But here is the sweetness of my lot: I am a stranger with You. Though I am a sojourner, I am.....far more at home than those who dwell under the ceilings of their houses."

No matter where I wander or how far my travels take me I am always at home. Jesus is my home. We are all like strangers in a foreign land scouring the menu for one recognizable word of a food we know. We are all travelers blurry eyed from studying a map for so long but somehow we're still circling. We have all seen awe in the world, the beauty so magnificent it doesn't seem real. But oh, the loneliness of no one else who speaks your language. The trip more wonderful than words, but you long for home. For the rest and peace of the familiar. We are all on a journey in a foreign land and the only real security we have is walking alongside Jesus. He is our familiar smell and our cozy bed, the key that unlocks home.

No matter where I wander or how far my travels take me I am always home in Jesus. That's encouraging in a world that we just don't fit perfectly in.

Jesus, thank you for being my familiar friend. A fellow stranger in this scary world. Thank you for the beauty you've created and the opportunities to explore it. May I always find companionship with You, no matter how far we walk.

My boy.

2010-03-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

He's so handsome. Growing everyday. Learning. Making messes.
He makes weird faces and that face is always dirty and crusty.
This is a new odd face.
Trying to eat my face....mouthful of teeth and a present in the nose.
And yes, I did let my child go out of the house looking like this. Before you judge my hillbilly child let me explain. It was late, he was already bathed, but my mom decided she wanted to go out to eat instead of eating at home. So, on go the sneakers to complement the camo jammies and away he went.

Thank you Lord for my precious boy. He's sunshine and joy everyday and I'm so thankful. Thank you for giving me such a fun and healthy kid. Give me the energy to keep up and always choose laughter!

Playing in the Mud

2010-03-12T12:26:00.000-08:00

Charles Spurgeon says, "It is sadly true, that even a Christian may grow by degrees so callous that the sin which once startled him does not alarm him in the least. By degrees we get familiar with sin."

This reminds me of the analogy of the frog in a pot of water. If you place him in the water once it's boiled he will immediately jump out. But if you place him in the cool water and gradually turn up the heat he will boil himself. His body temperature gradually adjusts to the rising heat and before he knows what is happening it's too late for the little guy. I hate frogs so I'm not so sad that he boiled himself to death, but it is the perfect picture of myself.

This is the sin in my life that I recognize (which means this isn't even a tenth of what is actually going on with me!)

Jealousy-Heaven forbid anyone have anything nicer than I do.

Anger-Don't cross me, don't make me mad or you will regret it (nice).

Selfish spirit-The world does in fact revolve around me or at least I like to think.

Spoiled brat-I tend to pout when I can't buy a new pair of shoes.

Harsh words-My enduring husband tends to bear the brunt of this one.

Control freak-I can't function if someone throws a wrench in my plan.

Discontent-I'm always needing to add more to my life.

Judgmental-I can be so hateful and assuming about people and situations that I know nothing about. This in turn leads to gossip which then breeds self-righteousness.

So, it's ok if after reading that list you don't want to be my friend anymore, I don't really want to be my friend sometimes too.

We are that frog; slowly heating up without being conscious of what's happening inside our hearts and souls. I'm burning up but by the time I realize it it's too late. Everyday I start new and fresh, ready to go. If I'm not careful I slowly let the sin in through a harsh word or bad attitude. Before I know it the negativity has eaten up and defeated my day. I've been chewed up and spit out by my own allowance. I thought that jealous thought and let it snowball into envy and bitterness. I thought that unkind word and shared it out loud which led to more unkind words. All the while the temperature inside me is slowly rising. I'm an idiot just like that frog, a brain the size of a pencil point and a heart not much bigger.

What truly grieves my spirit is to think of those days that I was defeated by my own sin and to realize those days add up into years. YEARS! Gone, wasted, spent.

Have I become so callous that what once startled me no longer alarms me in the least? Have I justified my sin because I'm not a serial killer or child abuser? Am I so tepid that the word "sin" just seems a little too harsh for someone like me?

I've been washed white as snow (Isaiah 1:18), so why do I continue playing in the mud?

Lord, I am a sinner saved, rescued, and restored by Your grace and sacrifice. Forgive me for living like those who have not experienced Your redeeming love. I am so ashamed at my petty thoughts in a world full of such immense sadness and pain. Use me as a builder-up not a tearer-down. Replace my jealousy with thankfulness. My judgmental spirit with grace and understanding. My self-righteousness with warmth and acceptance. My anger with tenderness. I want to be like you; pure as snow.

Learning a new language.

2010-03-10T09:32:00.000-08:00

And then it struck me, hit me right between the eyes and punched me in the gut. Satan speaks the language of insecurity. Every feeling and thought of self-hatred and dissatisfaction is my brain registering this language I was never meant to know. Satan was in the Garden of Eden and saw the relationship God intended for humankind. God visited the garden in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8) to walk with Adam and Eve. To talk and enjoy all that He had made for them, to share in their lives. Satan saw this and immediately hated man; enraged by the goodness of God and the natural response of man to love Him. Thus the language of insecurity was created. "What you are is not enough, you can be just like God, you can know all that He knows, you are naked and ashamed, you must hide from Him."

We were not created to speak this language of insecurity to ourselves and those around us.

God breathes the language of affirmation. "I love you, you are important enough for me to walk daily with, you are special enough for me to listen to, you are beautiful enough to walk naked and unashamed, you are smart enough to name the entire population of beasts and birds, you are strong enough to maintain this garden I've given you." Affirmation and love are the languages that beat in our hearts, but we've given in to this other voice. It's hard to hear the whispers of God in the ocean breeze when the world is raging with images impossible to keep up with. It's not enough to be loved by God when we hear the lie that our house is not big enough, our body not skinny enough, our bank accounts not full enough, and our lives not exciting enough. The words, "I love you," written on the mountaintops seem faint through the clouds of discontentment. We are never enough and never satisfied with who we are. How sad that we are speaking this unnatural language of self-defeat when our native tongue is dying to cry out!

How do we forget a language we've been speaking since childhood? A language that is so constant and so loud we can't even think. Stillness. Reflection. Strength to say "No way, that's not who I am." Maybe start from the outside and work your way in. Recognize the beauty in others, speak words of affirmation and encouragement to the ones around you. Maybe then we will start believing the quiet voice that whispers in our own ears.

Lord, may I speak your language. Help me forget all the negative words I've learned through the years in regards to myself and others. Teach me to speak like You and to believe what comes out. Make me a vessel of encouragement on the unstable waves of life held tight and dry by Your loving affirmations.

Two are better than one.

2010-03-08T13:08:00.001-08:00

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Marriage can be tough (ha!). My mom told me marriage wasn't easy and it's something you have to fight for. At 20 I couldn't possibly imagine what that meant. I've heard it said that you don't get married to be happy but to have a partner to walk beside. Love meant something completely different to me 6 years ago when I said my vows than it does today. It was so easy to love Milam back when I still had those feelings of being in love. How far and deep we've come in such a few short years. The valleys have been so low we felt like we were moments from suffocating. The peaks of our mountaintops were breathtaking as we stared into the face of our son.

The love I have for my son is instinct but the love I have for my husband is a choice. I am deeply encouraged by these verses that my marriage is a gift. We are a team; a buddy system. I'm amazed that in the face of my overwhelming flaws my husband smiles. He's my business partner in life, rescuer, warm blanket, fellow warrior, helpmate, co-parent, and best friend. I need to check my rope more often to make sure the knot is fixed and repair the strands that have worn down.

Thank you Lord for my marriage. For giving me a man who graciously sees through my flaws and lovingly takes my hand anyway. Give me the depth of heart to choose You and my family everyday especially the ones when I'm tired. Weave your chord so intricately in our hearts that even the sharpest blade of selfishness couldn't sever. Fill me up with love so I have something to give. May I find joy in You and may it overflow into the hearts of my husband and son. Thank you for them both.

Sunshine sandwich.

2010-03-07T19:18:00.000-08:00

We had a great weekend. The weather here in Nashville warmed up (hallelujah!) and the sun was bright and shiny!

We played dress up! Well, I played and Gunnar humored me for 2.5 seconds.

We walked at the park 3 days in a row!

Pearl was a very happy girl from all those walks. (that's dried milk on her ear!)

Moment of dried milk incident, she doesn't mind too much because the kid keeps her well fed.

I love spending my days with people I love, food, and sunshine.

Thank you Lord for my sweet little family. You have blessed my life beyond measure with wonderful people to walk along with. Thank you. Thank you for giving us some sunshine to feed our souls and fill us back up. You are so good. Thank you for the peace and simplicity you bring to my life. May I be ready to empty myself this week to those around me who need me. Use me in even the smallest way to bless another.

Amen.

Cheers to the beginning of a new week.

The best book ever.

2010-03-05T06:07:00.000-08:00

I've just finished reading this AMAZING book! I'm part of a newly formed book club and this was first on the list. I am completely in love with this book, and I'm going to talk my husband into reading it too!
It's a novel based on the story of Hosea in the Bible.
In the book God tells Michael Hosea to marry a prostitute named Angel. It's an amazingly sad story about the heartbreaking life of this young girl. Daughter to a mistress and father who wanted her aborted, living in a shack with her prostitute mother who eventually dies. Uncle sells her, at 8 years old, to a man who is satan in the flesh and has a thing for little girls. He begins pimping her out and running from him only leads to another horrible situation of selling her body. She's numb inside and believes completely unworthy of love and happiness.
Michael saves her life, marries her, and takes her home to be a farmer's wife. She is defiant and unwilling to accept love. She can't forgive herself for her past and can't accept that a man or God would either.
She runs from Michael three times and eventually has an experience with God that changes her forever. She returns to her husband and lives a complete and full life with him!
It's a remarkable story of pain, injustice, judgment, sacrifice, and unending love.
It's a wonderful picture of what our marriages can be and the undying love God has for us.
These are the last lines of the book:
"Love the Lord your God, and love one another. Love one another as he loves. Love with strength and purpose and passion and no matter what comes against you. Don't weaken. Stand against the darkness, and love. That's the way back into Eden. That's the way back to life.

I've never cried reading a book, but this one did me in. Don't be intimidated by the almost 500 pages; it's a quick read. You are so captivated by the story that you can't help but completely devour it!

Here's to love!

Ask me, Lord.

2010-03-02T13:09:00.000-08:00

I love hugging and kissing my boy all day! He's so ooeeeyy gooeeey!
He taught himself this open-mouth attack your face version of the smooch.
"Mom, I gave you what you wanted now get off me!"

"He said to him the third time, '....do you love me?' " (John 21:17)

Why did Jesus ask Peter three times if he loved him? What point was he trying to make in repeating the same question? Oswald Chambers says, "Peter was beginning to discover within himself just how much he really did love the Lord.....But he did not know it until the probing, hurting questions of the Lord were asked. The Lord's questions always reveal the true me to myself."

I'm wondering what point God might be trying to make to me through His questions. I think if God asked me, "Ashley, do you trust me?" My first response would be unthoughtful and robotic; the correct Christian response. "Of course I trust you."

If he asked me again, "Ashley, do you trust me?" I would respond, "Yeah, I do Lord." But I would be thinking, "Why is he asking me this again?"

If he asked me a third time, "Ashley, do you trust me?" I might respond this way, "Lord, I love you. I want to trust you with all that I am. I want that blind and fearless trust, but I'm not sure I can. I'm worried that "this" may happen or "that" might not happen. Forgive me Lord, but I am so weak in my humanity. I know you love me, but I'm afraid of what the daggers of life will throw my way. Help me trust you with all that I am."

This question could apply to any part of our life. Do we love him, trust him, follow him no matter what......

We are so quick to respond without even giving a thought to the real answer in our hearts. We are so immediate in our responses fearful of the hesitation. Afraid that if we falter for a moment God will punish us or tell us we must not love Him. God wants us to speak that real deep down answer in its rawest form. He knows already, but He wants us to hear ourselves say it. How right that His questions reveal the true me to myself.

What are you afraid to say? Or what is it that you've given an immediate correct response to without searching your heart first? It's hard especially for those of us raised in a Christian family. We learn early on what you "should" believe. It's a whole new game when Jesus starts calling us out making us dig deep to find what's inside. But only then can we truly be made complete.

Lord, give me the wisdom to examine my life with a magnifying glass. Uncovering the things I'm afraid to inspect. Give me the strength to be honest with you even when You know my heart inside and out. I don't want to be a Christian robot, I want my life to be a reflection. I want to be like the ocean on a clear and sunny day. Sparkling from the rays, refreshing to those I encounter, deep and pure, quieted by the stillness of Your voice. Ask me, Lord.

Laughter makes you smile.

2010-03-01T13:02:00.001-08:00

He's so weird.

I'm laughing to try and hold back the tears. Life can throw some unexpected undeserved curve balls. Today I am managing all of the crappy, weird, difficult, annoying, inconvenient, uncomfortable, and unknown things in life.

I'm laughing because Gunnar is a walking snot ball with a hacking cough who only wants to make trouble and/or be held 24 hours a day.

I'm laughing because my husband is also a walking snot ball and let's be honest men just don't manage life as well when they're not feeling good.

I'm laughing because there are aspects of my family life that seem to be falling apart all around me.

I'm laughing because today is another cold day and it seems Nashville has supernaturally replanted itself in the North.

I'm laughing because my house is a disaster and my back hurts so there's no chance I'm cleaning it!

Although life can be unpleasant I am grateful for my messy life. It's imperfect and boring, but so magnificent! There are so many things to say thank you for.

Lord, thank you for this day. Thank you when life is unmanageable because then I remember to fall at your feet. Renew my strength. I find joy in You and this life you've given me. Thank you for the people who make it worth living and Your love for walking me through the junk and the jewels.

If I was....Disney World!

2010-02-28T13:26:00.000-08:00

And so it begins. I'm slightly nervous about how dangerous this might be for me to be window shopping so frequently. It's so much fun to pick out the perfect outfit for the perfect adventure.

So today, I am imagining a warm day (not too hot) at Disney World with Milam and Gunnar. I love all things Disney. I grew up going to Disneyland and those are still some of my fondest memories. You just feel so happy when you're there; life seems like one big fairytale! I am so looking forward to the day when Gunnar can truly enjoy this experience. Because I need a little sunshine and fun today my imagination is taking us to the happiest place on Earth.

I will be wearing a gigantic straw hat to protect me from the sun, a comfy romper to keep cool, and the perfect pair of shoes; shiny and comfortable! Total outfit: $171.00 The shoes being the most pricey, but in my opinion totally worth it. You could wear those gems EVERYDAY!

Well I have to run, Splash Mountain is screaming my name.

Until next time!
Summer Straw hat $34.00

Tulip Romper $58.00

Ultra-silver Cordones $79.00

Phew! Things to look forward to.

2010-02-26T10:09:00.000-08:00

So, finally after 3 days of the computer being in the shop it has returned to me. It almost seems brand new thanks to apple care.

Anyways, I am starting a new segment every week called, "If I was...."

It was inspired by my bosom buddy Jen. Every Wednesday her blog is devoted to beautiful clothes that are coveted and adored, but usually come with a hefty price-tag. (Which means we don't often frequent these stores and actually leave with a bag.) Along with it are stories of what she'd be doing if she were wearing the gorgeous frocks and fancy footwear!

I love the idea so I'm stealing it. Actually, I'm borrowing it because she told me I could. She's a true friend!

There are a million things I can think of that I would love to do today:

Have coffee with Gwen Stefani.

Take Gunnar to Disneyworld.

Vacation in Hawaii.

Explore Edinburgh.

Visit the hiding place of Anne Frank in Amsterdam.

The list is endless.

Every week I will post an, "If I was...." and I will pick the perfect outfit to accompany my day.

I will also make an attempt to recreate the Bentley into a Honda for us ladies who don't have an endless wardrobe budget.

I'm so excited!!!

Stay tuned.

Courage is Surrender

2010-02-23T10:19:00.000-08:00

Daily dose.

I started reading "Dangerous Surrender," by Kay Warren. I've only made my way through the first chapter but I'm already having a hard time moving forward. She talks about what happens when we say "Yes" to God. In the beginning she talks about becoming an empty nester and what she thought the next phase of her life looked like. Being married to author/pastor Rick Warren, she pictured spending her time traveling the world teaching and encouraging couples in the ministry. All of that changed when she began learning about the HIV/AIDS pandemic. She said "yes" to God to use her in this way and she has devoted her life to those suffering from this disease.

I know exactly what it is holding me back from absolute surrender to God's will.

FEAR.

I want to devote my life to serving God but I am terrified that He will call my family to some remote and dangerous third world country. I am absolutely paralyzed by the idea of any harm coming to myself but more importantly my children. I am so afraid. Being a parent is scary enough without throwing unknown cultures or political unrest into the equation.

This morning I opened my bible and I found two verses underlined:

1 Peter 4:1-2:

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God.

We all suffer daily if we are living as a new creation in Christ. Even if bodily harm never comes our way there are other daily hardships. But the suffering of our time on earth is part of the journey to Heaven. There has to be a refining process for the glass to be molded and perfected.

In Kay's book she talks about Mary and what it meant for her to say "yes" to God's will. "A lifetime of saying yes culminated in that awful day when she stood near his cross, shattered by the sight of this precious child of hers hated, bleeding, broken, hanging from a tree-and still she said yes. Would saying yes ever bring joy to Mary's soul-or would her yes always come with a knife to the heart? She didn't insist that God's will come with no suffering attached; she simply said, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever he wants" (Luke 1:38 NLT)."

Mary risked everything including her own life to be faithful to the course God had mapped for her. She didn't know what it would look like or how it would turn out.

Kay makes the point of when we say "yes" it's like receiving a fuzzy Polaroid. We know we were looking into the eyes of Jesus when the picture was snapped but we have no idea how the days and years will unfold to reveal the clear picture of our lives when we finally reach Eternity.

I have fear. Fear that holds me hostage and I am comfortable in it. I even rationalize that it's ok to not completely surrender because I still do things to glorify God. I still love and serve Him but I'm not willing to say, "Whatever you want Lord."

Psalms 91 is amazing and perfect.

Vs. 1: He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

Vs. 4-5a: He will cover you with His feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of the night...

Vs. 11: For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.

Lord, please help me believe these words. Make them so real in my heart that I only see You and not all the what-ifs. You are my protector and you shelter my son in the shadow of Your wings. Give me the courage to trust in You alone.

Am I going to allow fear to keep my Polaroid fuzzy and undeveloped? Just a shadow of the fullness my life could have been? Just a vague undefined outline that could have been beautiful, colorful, and complete?

The passing of time.

2010-02-22T19:27:00.000-08:00

A little chaos before bedtime is always fun! Gunnar soaked his diaper at Target so by the time we got home and noticed, his pj's were anything but dry. He loves being naked and despises getting dressed. We let him play a little too long with no diaper and he obliged by peeing all over his room. It was funny. We laughed.

The passing of time brings wisdom if we're open to the recognition of our own flaws. How can I learn anything if I never accept my own errors? I embrace the passing of time and that still small voice of the Holy Spirit. Both bring about a change; a regeneration of my old self. A peeling back of one more layer of my cocoon. Oh, the glorious day when I will see my Lord and be to him a beautifully unique butterfly. Oh, that day when I will no longer be making a mess of things!

I look back and cringe at past failures and short-comings. So prideful in my thinking and haughty in my approaches. Self-righteous in my confrontations and foolish with my words. The passing of time means another opportunity for my heart to be opened to the quiet nudges of wisdom and humility. I only pray I let them in. Let them in and give them room to take root. To grow so tall that they can't be ignored, so deep they can't be pulled up.

God gives wisdom freely and abundantly, but if you're anything like me that would be too easy. You must first drag yourself through the mud before you receive the bath.

Peace and Joy.

The appeal of slavery.

2010-02-18T12:22:00.000-08:00

It seems like everyone around me is having a baby! So many little ones growing snug and warm in their mama's womb. It makes me long for that feeling again, so to deal with the temptation I look at pictures like this to feel better! I miss Gunnar being so tiny.

How did this happen so quickly?

This week in my new mom's bible study we looked at the story in Exodus of the Israelites being freed from slavery. Chapters 13-15 go through the story of Moses leading the people out of Egypt and then being pursued by them. The story continues with the Israelites safe passage through the parting of the Red Sea and the doom that befalls the pursuing army.

Here's what's shocking in this story:

13:22 Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people. (the Israelites were led through the country and desert by an ever present pillar of cloud and smoke)!

Here's what gets me:

14:10-12

As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord......Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!" (they were speaking to Moses).

I found myself wondering why they would choose slavery over freedom? In the days leading up to this moment they were being led by God through a pillar of smoke and fire. There was a physical object constantly before them showing the way. They had been freed from a life of slavery, they had been given back their identities as human beings. No longer carrying the bricks of sorrow on their backs. Instead, they could gaze full on into the bright sun and again hear the song of birds.

What was it about this moment of hot pursuit by the Egyptians that caused the desire to still be held in chains? I get that maybe they had forgotten God's faithfulness in leading them day and night. I'm sure if an army of horses and chariots were chasing me down I would forget all about a pillar of smoke.

Was it that any sort of life was better than dying out in the desert?

I am thinking that life as a slave was something "comfortable"; they had grown accustomed to its ins and outs. They knew what to expect. They knew how to keep their heads low and accomplish the tasks to save your life for one more day. But this was an uncomfortable situation. This surely meant death; the Egyptians would show no mercy. There was no hope of God following through with his plan to free them now. This was a hopeless situation and they were angry with Moses for getting them into this mess.

We all know how the story goes. The Red Sea is parted (!!!!!!!!), they make it across safely, and the Egyptians are swallowed up in the sea.

I'm thinking that I myself choose to live this way too. I am so afraid to choose the life of freedom that God has for me. He hasn't mailed me the road map yet to let me know each step along the way. So instead I choose slavery. Slavery to what culture tells me I should do with my life, slavery to what is comfortable and predictable. Whatever is not going to rock the boat and make my life the target of a hot pursuit. Just get through the day trying to avoid any bumps along the way.

I know that God has a pillar of smoke and fire leading my way. I'm ashamed for choosing slavery, trying to delay immediate death or living a life of faith.

With faith there will ALWAYS be questions and uncertainties, but one thing will always be steadfast and that is the promise of life and freedom!

Don't gaze longingly at the chains but instead choose the unknown. Choose what scares

you because the details are uncertain. I believe we will never be more fulfilled!

All she had left.

2010-02-15T08:36:00.000-08:00

The obsession has moved from the tub to the toilet.

Poor thing was minding her own business when suddenly a wild

animal scooped her up, rudely began dunking her, and abandoned

her to find her own way out.

Good thing there was a compassionate soul around (me!) to rescue her

from my feral child. I'm so sorry sweet dolly.

You have put me in this world for something, Lord, show me what it is,

and help me to work out my life purpose:

I cannot do much, but as the widow put in her two small coins, which

were all her living, so, Lord, I cast my time and eternity, too, into Your

treasury; I am all Yours; take me, and enable me to glorify You now, in

all that I do, and with all that I have.

-Charles Spurgeon

Her two small coins were everything she had, there was nothing left. Her rent, her

food, her clothes, her savings: she gave it all.

I can relate to Spurgeon when he says, "I cannot do much," and I am thankful

that God loves to use those of us who have nothing to offer but a willing body.

What was she thinking when the last of all she had was gone? Thoughts of

fear and doubt of what would be next. Was she hesitant thinking God would

understand that as a widow she had no source of income?

Maybe there was a peace in knowing that everything she had was gone.

The worry of life was stilled for a moment in time when everything was stripped away.

Nothing else to gain for herself and nothing left to hide behind. Just the humble

offering of her life.

This story in Luke 21 says all those coming to the temple gave gifts out of their wealth,

but she gave out of her poverty.

All her security and self-worth could have been wrapped up in those two coins, but

instead they belonged to God. She trusted him with her future.

I cannot do much and all I have to give is myself. My time, my heart, my affections,

my thoughts, and my body.

It would be so amazing if in the moment of being completely vulnerable to the

elements of life having nothing to protect us, we could remember this:

Next time the blessing of a meal comes-how can I share this with someone else?

When the roof is over my head keeping me warm-who can I invite in?

When the gas tank is full (or almost empty)-whose path can I cross?

When I'm down to my last dollar-who needs this more?

How shallow our lives will be if we give only out of our abundance, but imagine how

far-reaching the depths of our soul could go if we gave all we had left.

If we could see the faithfulness of God sustaining us in everything we might not hold on so

tightly to the security of things.

How can I begin today to empty my cup and rest in the refreshing flow of it being

filled back up?

Money talks.

2010-02-11T06:46:00.000-08:00

If you're anything like me, keeping money in the right order in life can prove difficult. I am constantly in need of a reminder. It's hard not to idolize something you don't have "a lot" of but need daily to meet the basic needs of your family. And if I was honest, I want a little for my not so basic needs too!

Money is a source of stress in marriages and can damage any relationship. Our culture is so full of excess that we've been trained to think that everything must be new and in abundance all the time.

I have so many questions, "Is it greedy to save up for my family's future?" "What does God say about retirement funds?" "Am I a selfish giver?" "When does my savings account become an idol?" "How much do we really need?"

These verses gave me hope and clarity.

Psalms 17:14-15

You still the hunger of those you cherish;

their sons have plenty, and they store up

wealth for their children.

1 Timothy 6:5b-10

vs.8 But if we have food and clothing

we will be content with that.

Ecclesiastes 5:12

The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether

he eats little or much,

but the abundance of a rich man permits

him no sleep.

Luke 12:33-34

Sell your possessions and give to the poor...

for where your treasure is there your heart

will be also.

Proverbs 21:20

In the house of the wise are stores of choice

food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he

has.

Proverbs 3:9-10

Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the

first-fruits of all your crops; then your barns will be

filled to overflowing and your vats will brim over

with new wine.

Psalms 4:7

You have filled my heart with greater joy,

than when their grain and new wine abound.

A few more if you're interested:

James 5:1-6

(talks about rich oppressors hoarding their wealth)

2 Corinthians 8:7

(talks about excelling in the grace of giving)

Ecclesiastes 5:15

(talks about entering the world with nothing and

leaving just the same)

In all things our lives should be a reflection of Christ. If the desire is to

glorify him we will be guided down the road that leads the way.

All things come from Him. He stills the hunger of those he cherishes and their children

in turn have plenty.

We have to seek out individually what it means to live a simple life. Being at peace when

the sun sets with how we used our blessings. Whether we have a comfy savings account or a hope jar filled with coins.

If we could only let go of the excess and still find contentment in enjoying life.

May we all find true peace today in our individual circumstances and wisdom

to balance it.

Happy 3rd Birthday!

2010-02-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

Stella Rose will be 3 years old this week!

I love her.

I love being her aunt.

She is a precious gift wrapped up in a very unique package.

She was the ultimate buddha baby!

Sassy from the start!

Sweet as pear cobbler topped with vanilla bean ice cream with a dash of cayenne for kicks.

photo by: Ethan Luck

Eyes as big as planets.

Photo by: Ethan Luck

An imagination that soars, I don't think her brain ever takes a break.

Photo by: Ethan Luck

I'm not quite sure she really understood this.

But she adapted quickly and loves her baby Gunny.

I love being your LeeLee. You are a joy! Jesus made a special place in my heart just for you. It's a place where new colors are made and words are invented. It's endless in laughter and the hugs are infinite.

I am so proud to be your auntie.

Happy Birthday baby girl!

XoXo,

LeeLee

Songs to calm.

2010-02-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

None but Jesus.

I love this song by Hillsong United. When I hear it I feel a peace and calm settle over my spirit. It quiets my heart and I think we all need a daily dose of that!

In the quiet, in the stillness I know that

you are God.

In the secret of your presence I know that

there I am restored.

When you call I won't refuse,

each new day again I'll choose.

There is no one else for me, none

but Jesus.

Crucified to set me free,

now I live to bring Him praise.

In the chaos and confusion I know

you're sovereign still.

In the moment of my weakness

you give me grace to do your

will.

So when you call I won't delay,

it's my song through all my

days.

There is no one else for me,

none but Jesus.

Crucified to set me free,

now I live to bring Him

praise.

I am yours. And you are mine.

All my delight is in you Lord,

all of my hope, all of my

strength.

All my delight is in you Lord,

forevermore.

Check out the song on itunes, I promise you will love it.

Peace and Joy.

Not so extraordinary

2010-02-08T12:13:00.000-08:00

My ordinary life isn't seeming too extraordinary today.

I'll be honest I'm struggling through it today. It doesn't help that the sun refuses to shine and the cold air is keeping me inside.

I'm feeling trapped by my "housewife" status. My self-worth is wrapped up

in how many loads of laundry I get done and how many times I load the dishwasher today.

This can't be all there is to life. I'm more than this, I know I am! I love my sweet baby boy but Mama needs a break.

I've lost my motivation, I've lost the will to see joy in the everyday mundane tasks.

I am desperately wishing the Lord would miraculously transport me to a beach

in Hawaii. I want to drink margaritas all day, soak in the sun, forget the bills and the dog,

write a story and read a book.

Instead I'm drinking a cup of coffee and consuming an entire box of Cheez-its! It's unlikely this diet will do much for boosting my morale.

I want to be thankful in the boring daily tasks because that means I actually have a life that needs taking care of. I also need to know that I am more than these things.

That there are exciting days ahead. There will be a beach in my future. Days are coming when God will use me in ways I never imagined! Today is just today and Lord willing tomorrow will come, and it will be better.

It's tough, but I will myself to be apart of the world around me. I refuse to let this depressing day trap my tomorrow. I trust that God's grace will make a way.

Lord Jesus, I know i've allowed my day to be ruined. Ruined by frustration and exhaustion. Holding on too tightly to my misery, believing the lies that I'm no good. That my life is bound to be no more than a maid and cook.

Forgive me for allowing self-pity to take root in my heart.

Bring your warmth to my crushed spirit and sunshine to my pale skin.

Give me hope that I am someone. Someone who means something to you, someone made worthy by you. Forgive my weakness and replace it with your strength.

May I find my purpose in you and choose joy even on the days when I don't feel like it.

Make me new again.

Amen.

Planted by streams of flowing water.

2010-02-04T08:19:00.000-08:00

Gunnar's favorite new snack: day old coffee grounds! I knew he was being too quiet in the kitchen all alone.
Stella came over to hang out this week. Yes, she is wearing a fabulous scarf. She has a better wardrobe and personal style than anyone I know. Clearly beyond her years in that department.

Anyways, I can finally see a resemblance between these crazy cousins!

Psalms 1:2-3

But his delight is in the law of the Lord,

and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,

which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf

does not wither.

Whatever he does prospers.

This is a continuation of the previous post, "It's not always roses."

We are all in different seasons and phases of our walk with Jesus.

Some of us are seasoned in prayer and some of us struggle to remember to bless our food.

Some of us are faithful daily readers of God's word but some of us (me) can go a week without even thinking about it.

We all go through those valleys and periods of drought.

This verse in Psalms gave me a clear mental picture of myself.

If I want to grow in the knowledge of Christ and the transformation of that in my life, I

need to plant myself by the stream.

I could be the most beautiful tree, content to sit in the sun all day lazily soaking up the rays.

For a time that would be enough but soon my roots would begin to dry out and thirst for a cool

drink, a flow of nourishment to feed my soul.

I would begin to brown and wither from the heat with nothing to cool down my insides.

But if I would plant myself close to the stream, close to the crisp, clear refreshing flow I would begin to perk up.

My thirst would be quenched and slowly that water would begin flowing through my every branch. From the inside out I would take on a whole new appearance, no longer would the sun be drying me out. My color would return, my various shades of green leaves would begin reflecting the rays. I would sway with the wind of God's whispers. The storms will come, but my foundation is solid. I am nourished deep down in my roots.

The sound of rushing water would serve as a constant reminder that my supply is near.

I have the choice of where to plant the tree of my heart. I can be content to just stay where I am, but in time I will dry out.

Why not place myself in the healthy soil? The rich, dark and well-watered soil.

Our souls are longing for a constant feed of Jesus. Pull up your roots, about now you might be feeling dried out and cracked.

Transplant yourself to the place of flowing goodness.

I have a friend.

2010-02-03T13:28:00.000-08:00

Life brings seasons. Seasons of valleys and mountaintops. There are also seasons of relationships. Times when you seem so close to another human being and then for no reason you drift apart for awhile.
There are those relationships, however, that are constant.
Obviously, our spouse is one of those. My husband and I definitely go through seasons just the same.
When you find a friend who is a constant you have truly been given a gift.
Today I will describe one of those such friends.
I find relationships that are built slowly over time are the ones that last forever.

I have a friend.
A firecracker so to speak.
A kindred spirit in speaking our minds.
I wouldn't say we instantly hit it off, it was a process of years.
Brought together by our husbands and stayed together by that bond.
The kind of friend who makes me smile the minute I see her.
One who doesn't get offended if I don't call for a few weeks.
She doesn't just offer to help when I'm sick, she does without my asking.
I get the sense that she truly loves my child.
Generosity is her nature and laughter is her gift.
A comfortable soul.
A cherished friend.
Jenn B. (bay-bay)

I have been blessed with amazing friends. The kind where you can breathe the moment
you walk into their home or give them a giant hug.
You don't have to try and say the right things or worry about what clothes you're
wearing. The absence of a shower or tooth brushing won't turn them away!
I'm thankful for the dear girlfriends in my life and need to say it more.

ps. I would post a picture of her but she doesn't allow such shenanigans!

It's not always roses.

2010-02-02T07:55:00.001-08:00

e·lit·ism or é·lit·ism (ĭ-lē'tĭz'əm, ā-lē'-)
n.

The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.

There aren't many things that get my blood boiling, but elitism is one of those things.

Let's be honest and admit that every single one of us is a human being. Not one better than the next. One's strength is the other's weakness and so on...

We all have our hang ups, we're all judgmental, we're all at times filled with hatred or anger. We can all say things we don't mean. We've all done something to turn another off from who Jesus really is. We've all done our fair share of scoffing at the ignorance of others.

We're all elitists. That's the problem. That's why Christians are called hypocrites.

I myself am guilty of doing damage in the name of Christ. I'm ashamed for that, but I am more ashamed for the times that I straddled the fence. For the times when I looked away when someone was dying from their own intellectual mind. Dying from their deep desire to embrace "no truth" or "individualism" as truth.

Life is not always roses. Humans weren't created with the ability to be God. We're a stupid creature; we are the sheep. The rescued sheep from the cliff who immediately loses their way again. We're incapable of living at peace in a world where there is no admission of right and wrong.

How do we repent and turn from our wicked way, embrace every human in our path without suffering from indifference or fear of making someone angry with the truth?

Christians have failed miserably in acting out God's love and we'll never get it completely right. But I am angry with using that as an excuse, when will we each learn to take responsibility for ourselves?

We've all been wronged, we all, in some way, had a rough childhood, we've all been beaten and bruised by another human being. Since when is anyone else responsible for the kind of human being you're going to be?

There is a black and white and embracing that is tough because it will cause division.

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. There is no other way to the Father but through Him. The responsibility lies within us to work out what that means in our day to day lives.

There is a difference between loving people and being indifferent to their despair.

This is a challenge to all of us with a beating heart, compromise isn't love. Elitism isn't love.

We who have faith in Jesus know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what we believe is the ultimate truth. There is no new way to reinvent that to make it culturally acceptable.

We all need to love more with a passion that burns for justice and heart that beats for grace.

Snowed in Saturday!

2010-01-30T17:44:00.000-08:00

We got about 7 inches of snow in Nashville this weekend. They say it's historical! People just aren't prepared for this sort of thing, so obviously the entire city shuts down. It's kind of nice living in a place that doesn't see much snow because everything closes so we all get to stay home and hibernate!

My child is precious! I love his sweet face.

Snow, however, is not his favorite thing. He did have 4 layers of clothes on which prohibited all use of limbs...so it could have been that too!

I'm a big fan of chocolate chip cookies. I have been working on perfecting my recipe and I must say this was the best batch yet! We've been pigging out all weekend. Meatballs and mashed potatoes last night, pot roast tonight, and loads of cookies and coffee!

We're having a wonderful weekend and hope you are too!

Gunnar's prayer.

2010-01-26T20:00:00.001-08:00

Every night before Gunnar goes to bed we read out of his Bible story book and say his prayers.

On the nights that I say prayers, instead of Daddy, they generally always go like this:

"Lord Jesus, thank you for this day, thank you for keeping us safe and healthy today. Thank you for our warm house and for always providing.

We ask you to protect us tonight as we sleep, keep your mighty angel warriors around our house and beds protecting us. Protect our families and hold them close.

We pray that you would snuggle Gunny warm and tight under the shadow of your wings. May your Holy Spirit fall upon him and fill his dreams with visions of you. We know that every breath comes from you, and we ask you to give him a good night's rest.

We pray that he would be a joy to everyone he meets and put a smile on their face.

We pray that he would love you deeply even from an early age and be full of gentleness, kindness, and compassion.

Give us the wisdom as parents to know how to love him, protect him, provide for him, teach him, encourage, discipline, and guide him.

Thank you again for this day and our sweet boy.

In Jesus' name. Amen."

I love to pray over my son. I feel like it eases my fears at night to lay him down, close the door, and walk out of the room. Night-time is always a little scary for me with a baby. "What if someone breaks in and I can't get to him fast enough." "What if he stops breathing and I don't know." "What if....." But when I'm praying over him I feel at peace. I feel thankful for the day I got to spend with him. Thankful for the amazing joy he has brought into my life. Thankful that I am the Mama of this insanely beautiful and hilarious kid.

I can already see God answering my prayers. One of my biggest hopes is that he brings joy everywhere he goes. I can honestly say, and those of you who know him can back me up, that he does just that. I don't know what it is about him that makes people smile, but they do. He gives these amazingly warm looks and smiles that make your heart skip a beat. I'm beyond grateful for this gift. I've been entrusted with a remarkable child and he makes my ordinary life....well, you know the rest.

Thank you Lord for prayer and the covering it brings.

Peace and joy.

Our weekend.

2010-01-24T16:48:00.001-08:00

So, in hopes that I would win the Pioneer Woman's Weekend Getaway at her ranch, I made some of her recipes and thought maybe she would feel the vibes! We started our Saturday with Sour cream pancakes! Oh my word, I've been dreaming of them since they entered my mouth. Piled with blueberries and honey, seriously the most amazing pancakes ever!
This must be my favorite color scheme because the robe, pj bottoms, socks, and mug all match!

Is that weird?
For dinner we made Pioneer Woman's breakfast burritos. Imagine this amalgamation with sour cream and hot sauce on a tortilla! Seriously, my husband is considering marrying her.

We finished the evening with a movie and my all time favorite ice cream; Ben and Jerry's New York Super fudge chunk. We walked 3 miles at the Greenway in the afternoon so I felt no guilt in eating half the pint. The perfect Saturday!

Bessy doing her part by propping up the cookbook!

We had a lazy sunday. Church, leftover breakfast burritos, thrift store stop, Nonna (my mama) time, and football (not my choice).

I forget so often to be thankful, but I'm grateful when I'm reminded of the many reasons I have to be thankful.

I hope your weekend was fun, quiet or loud (whichever your prefer), full of love and laughter!

Peace and joy.

Drink from the well.

2010-01-22T13:31:00.000-08:00

I've been feeling down today.
So I decided to give my spirit a little boost.
These people inspire me. Give me

hope that we aren't alone. Hope that our

Shepherd is everywhere we can't be tending

his sheep. Hope that in Jesus is the life we seek.

I'm reminded to pray.

May your day be filled up and over-flowing with joy and peace.

Inspiration and a desire to be more. More than just a routine, more than just a cleaner of dishes and folder of laundry.

We live in a world full of unique heart beats, let's get out there and wash some feet!

Resolutions: better late than never!

2010-01-21T14:00:00.000-08:00

I wrote my New Year's Resolutions pretty quickly this year. A few days after the 1st they all seemed to come to me in a wave of excitement. It's kind of nice to have a fresh start and to re-evaluate the last year. 2009 was a big blur of happiness for me; obviously having a baby will do that to ya. Happiness, exhaustion, fear, anxiety, joy, Dave Ramsey (I love you), laughter, sore (you know whats from all that nursing), moving, settling.....the list goes on.

I've decided to live this year a little different than the last few. The fear of failure has held me back in the past and I've decided to give myself and my fear a slap in the face.

The picture of Stella represents me. I'm going to live the life of a child, sort of. Living out the biggest dreams that are deep down inside my insecure adult heart. I figure if I make a complete fool out of myself I only have another 45 or so years to put up with the ridicule! Right? No biggie, I can hack it.

Here's my list:

1. Blog (of course).

Blog, blog, and more blog! New site, new content, new friends!

I'm going to devote a specific amount of time every week to pouring my heart into this thing!

2. Etsy.

I love having an etsy. My very first sale was to a girl in France and I get giddy just thinking about her strolling the streets in a dress I found in an Ohio thrift store!

3. Pay off debt.

Yesterday I paid off the last of my hospital bills from having little Gun man and it felt great!

We have a tiny bit left on the credit card and my goal is to finish that off and start tackling the student loans! By December I would like to have paid $10,000 towards those suckers.

4. Book.

Most of you don't know this, but I am working on a book and have been for about 7 months. I've always wanted to write one and this is one of the things I've been too afraid to do. I mean, after all, my best friend has her Masters in English and is a genius and she hasn't written one so why should I? But like I said, 45 years isn't that long! The goal is to have the first draft of contents completed by Dec.

5. Outdoors.

I love being outside and I want to try and do something outside everyday the weather permits. Hiking, camping, walking the pup, picnics, letting Gunnar explore.

6. Being Healthy.

Mind, body, and soul!

Mind-what I read, watch, and talk about.

Body-eating what makes me feel good and energized.

Soul-feeding it with Jesus.

7. Travel.

We've been trying to take a trip to Charleston for forever and I'm hoping this Spring we can finally make it happen.

I'd like to save up for a big trip to Europe or Hawaii, I've been dying to go back to both.

8. Serving.

Being a willing vessel in however God chooses to use me in someone else's life. Just loving on people.

9. Sew more.

10. Laugh more.

11. Give more hugs!

Peace and Love.

ps. share some of your resolutions with me! I love to hear from people!

The Tersigni Gene

2010-01-18T09:16:00.000-08:00

Ok. First off, it's Ter-c-knee! That's my mom's maiden name and the most prominent gene I carry! The Tersigni's are known for being cheap. I mean, we're talking cheap with a capital C! It might come from my Italian immigrant grandpa; Romeo, or my sweet Polish grandma; Mary Jane. Or maybe it's the combination of those two love birds. Anyhow, we are cheap! There ain't no pride in paying retail for anything. In fact, we don't really like you as much if you do! Kidding.

My mom and her 2 sisters have taught me everything I know. Thrift stores are a girl's best friend. And if you shop anywhere else it best be on sale. However, at times, it can get a little out of control. We suffer from thinking we must purchase if it's on sale. It could be the most random purchase but if it's under $5 we'll find a use for it. I'm working on this bad habit.

So, this past week being my birthday week I did a little clothes shopping for myself, and thought I'd share my amazing deals.

First off, I heard that Old Navy was starting a 50% off all clearance items last week. So, I packed Gunnar up and headed out.

Of course, they didn't have any good kid or hubby sales, but oh man did Mama score! I got an amazingly comfortable pair of cargo parachute pants, 3 jersey tank tops, and one charcoal grey long-sleever. My grand total: $13 (and some change)!!!! Score. Hooray for me!

Now, if that doesn't get your feathers ruffled than wait until you hear this....

So, the day before Old Navy day I went to a thrift store with my sister. This was my birthday and all I wanted to do was go thrifting. As I was making my way through the clothing racks I found the following 3 gems.

One pair of Gap carpenter (barely worn) jeans for $2.79, an amazingly comfy Ann Taylor sweater vest for $2.09 (without any sweater fuzzies), and the grand finale is a grey Converse brand sweater for $2.79! Now the reason I'm so proud of this last find is I almost bought the EXACT sweater (on clearance) at Target last week!!! Thankfully, I decided to buy a black raincoat that was on clearance instead and I was rewarded with finding it cheaper!!!

So grand total for barely worn all name brand finds: $7.67 (plus tax).

Dang, I'm proud!

This was the best week ever!!!

If you ask my husband about any article of clothing in my closet he can tell you where it's from and how much it originally cost and how much "he" actually paid for it. That's how excited I get about a good deal.

I'll close this post with my most adored recent thrift purchase.

My amazing new butter dish. The only thing the Tersigni's love more than bargain hunting is BUTTER! None of that fake crap, only the real deal here. Delicious in every way.

I've posted her gorgeous face and I beg you to not covet. Take a trip and you might find one just as good (maybe)!

Peace, love and the joy of living thrifty!

Let there always be toys in my tub!

2010-01-13T10:33:00.000-08:00

Bath-time comes around every night about 5:00 and Gunnar loves this time of day! He has an obsession with the bathroom for some reason. He's discovered how to flush the toilet, he loves grabbing every bottle out of the cabinet, digging in the trash (ewww!), and throwing everything in the tub! Every morning when I get in the shower I must first put all 15 bottles back in their homes along the shelves and grab out all the toys. The other morning I rolled my eyes as I began "cleaning" out the tub and I instantly reprimanded myself.

Eye rolling? Really?!

I mean how devastating can it be that my kids likes to throw things in the tub and I, as his mom, have to clean it out? Then the thought hit me, "These toys represent life!" There's life in my home, in my bathroom, and in my world! These toys mean that I was blessed with an amazing child who loves to make a mess. This mess means he's learning about life, gravity, loud noises, and fun! For some reason he finds absolute enjoyment in this game and I do too! I'm going to smile now when I pick up the shampoo bottles and the rubber ducks because I know there's new life happening around me!

I can choose to have joy in all things and this is one small step in that direction.

Between the plow and altar

2010-01-07T08:11:00.000-08:00

Once again my nugget of thought comes from Charles Spurgeon.

"He has so completely won our hearts that they beat alone for Him." He goes on to say, "In the words of an ancient saint, he ate, drank and slept eternal life."

I talked about this a few days ago in regards to the passing of a dear friend. I'm not sure how it always seems to happen but everyday when I read this "devotional" it seems to hit me right between the eyes.

My food for thought today is the closing of this particular passage, "Let me be as the bull which stands between the plow and the altar, to work or to be sacrificed; and let my motto be: "Ready for either.""

Wouldn't it be amazing if I really saw my life in either one of these two ways. Content to stay on this earth and do whatever "work" the Lord puts in front of me or to be "sacrificed" at the altar for His good. How can that be good? When I think of what it might mean to be sacrificed the first thing I see is blood. Blood is scary in terms of thoughts of my own death. I don't want to die in a bloody sacrificial way; being mauled by a shark or some scary monster! I want to die peacefully in my sleep without a struggle. But I think the idea of sacrifice has nothing to do with your heart ceasing to beat and more to do with what comes after. The story of you that will change the hearts and lives of people who hear it. The loss of one human body for the gain of one soul or a thousand. I'm not so much afraid of death as I am the way it might come. If I knew ahead of time I might live life a lot differently. I would probably focus on the eternal only. How can I love the faces I see like Jesus does? How many people can I hug today with Jesus' arms? Who can I cry alongside with when there's no one else?

How quickly these thoughts of wearing the same sweaters I wore last winter would not be so devastating to my feelings of self-worth. My whole mission in life would be LOVE not just a side-note to the more important things I need to accomplish.

I'm not quite finished with these thoughts and how they will affect me, but I will close with challenging myself to embrace being the worker or the sacrifice today.

Peace and Joy.

ps. It's finally snowing in Nashville! Hallelujah!!! OHIO I miss you!

Embracing my oldness.

2010-01-06T12:58:00.000-08:00

Today is my son's 1st birthday and I'm in shock to say the least. Shocked that at this time one year ago I had never seen my son's face, in fact at this point I was feeling like I never would. The anticipation of knowing that "today" is the day I would see my son for the first time was almost too hard to believe. Was there really a living human growing inside of me working hard to make his way into the world? It's an insane experience, and I know all you moms out there know what I'm talking about.

This year has gone by so fast and I am starting to believe that mom who looks at me and says, "Cherish these moments, one day, before you know it he will be 17."

I have experienced a love beyond my wildest dreams for my boy. It has taught me a lot about life and the legacy I want to leave for my children.

I will be 27 next week and for me that seems old. I've yet to experience my 30's and at times that terrifies me to even think about but at the same time I am filled with excitement at the possibilities.

Youth has its perks don't get me wrong. The days when you wake up and look in the mirror and don't have these thoughts: "oh my gosh, what happened?" "why does my skin look grey?" Or when you can sleep on the floor, couch, or a different bed and not feel the pain pulsing through ever inch of your body. Or when you can stay up until 3 a.m. and sleep until whenever the heck you feel like it. When you eat french fries and ice cream for dinner with no thoughts of figure. When the most important part of the day is locating a cute boy.

Although at times I miss those days I long more for my current self.

Maybe it was becoming a mom, but I think this year has brought a real clarity and self-assuredness. An ability to acknowledge my weaknesses and not afraid to be proud of my strengths. Realizing that with age comes wisdom and grace. Learning that the differences in people are what makes us each great.

I'm at peace with who I am and I pray that in the next year I open myself up wide, throw caution and fear out the window, and allow God to make my ordinary life extraordinary.

Peace and Joy to you.

A little crazy!

2010-01-02T17:50:00.001-08:00

Don't we all feel a little bit like this sometimes?

ps. I know everyone's jealous that I have the coolest niece ever.

The end of a Matter

2009-12-31T12:48:00.000-08:00

"You must bear the cross, or you shall never wear the crown; you must wade through the mire, or you shall never walk the golden pavement. Cheer up, then, poor Christian. The end of a matter is better than its beginning." ~Spurgeon

Spurgeon speaks of the caterpillar, "how contemptible its appearance! It is the beginning of a thing. Mark that insect with gorgeous wings, playing in the sunbeams, sipping at the flower bells, full of happiness and life; that is the end thereof. That caterpillar is you, until you are wrapped up in the chrysalis of death....."

We lost a dear friend this week who had spent years battling cancer. Although her earthly body is gone she has come through victorious. Although her body suffered and withered her spirit soared touching hearts with Jesus' love everywhere she went. I have never met anyone as much like Jesus as her. Always thinking of others at a time in life where thoughts of herself would have been justified. She seemed to have it all yet she clung only to her Lord. Her sickness never seemed to sour belief but only fuel her passion. It reminds me of Paul's prayers for the Lord to remove his thorn to better serve Him, yet He never did because His grace was enough.

The life and death(human) of Jeanne has begun to stir deep thoughts on this short earthly life. We live so focused on the next 40-50 years we have left on earth and only offer a small nod to the hereafter that we've been promised. We've been promised Eternity, and I think the problem is we don't actually believe in it. We don't honestly believe that we will never actually die, that there will never be an end to me! Or that one day in the presence of the Creator there will be a better version of ourselves, better than we could ever desperately piece together in this imperfect world! We have foolishly put all of our eggs into the basket of the temporary. The basket that has been slowly coming undone from the first day.

This isn't all there is!

The End of the Matter is better than its Beginning. Death is a sweet victory for those who believe.

Chew on that. How will that affect each moment you have?

Peace and Joy.

A confusion of Freedom?

2009-12-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

Some Christians seem to be suffering from a confusion between "free-will" and "freedom." I have had a lot of recent conversations with someone very close to my heart about this very thing.

What is the difference between the two?

There is a false sense of freedom among those who believe life is to be lived solely for yourself. Making yourself happy above all else is what freedom means to these. If something is causing discomfort or pain you pack up and leave. If life gets too hard you determine that life is meant to be lived alone. Because, after all, you and you alone are responsible for your happiness. When trouble comes you believe the only way out is abandonment.

This doesn't sound like freedom to me, it sounds like desperation. A desperate attempt to make life what you want it to be. An attempt to go back and relive what has already passed. It looks more like a trap of regret and heartache.

The exercise of your free-will can be deceiving. It can easily be mistaken as living the ultimate freedom. Waking up and thinking only of yourself and what's going to make you feel happy and whole in each moment.

Freedom is Jesus. There's no other way to achieve freedom apart from Him. True freedom is resting in Him even when the world is falling apart around you. Freedom is embracing the mistakes you've made and the times when its hard to get out of bed, because you know Jesus is there to hold your hand. Freedom is acknowledging that at times we've exercised our free-will and gotten ourselves into a pickle, but trusting that God is our rescuer! Freedom is knowing we aren't condemned for those mistakes. Knowing that if we keep our eyes on Him He will miraculously weave the good and bad into an amazing portrait of our lives. A magnificent picture of this beautifully ugly journey of life. Freedom is finishing the race with a smile on our face and joy in our heart even if our legs don't move.

There is a balance to free-will and freedom, but there is no confusion between the two.

Freedom can and only will be achieved when we keep our eyes focused on Jesus.

Merry Christmas!

Joy and Mourning.

2009-12-01T10:30:00.001-08:00

My heart is full of sadness today. Life is throwing daggers of fire at my spirit but I'm putting up a good fight! Every second is different, every emotion is intense, and every tear is captured. Christmas is my favorite time of year. Thanksgiving is my favorite day. The whole season is all about Jesus and the joy He's given. I've been thinking of how different this Christmas season has started out already and found myself lost in confusing thoughts of how it's going to turn out. Then God sent me down a little string of pearls; a reminder that all this pain will make this Season a little brighter for me and my family. My thankfulness will abound and overflow for the gifts He's given. Not the presents under the tree, but the ones I get to hold close.
Children make this time of year so magical. Gunnar and Stella are absolute and perfect joy. The most precious of all things precious.
I am sad that life is hard, but I can't say we weren't warned. It's hard to accept that life on earth will never be perfect and though the reminder is tough to swallow the Promise tastes that much sweeter.
People all over the world experience amazing amounts of Joy and Mourning this time of year.
At times the trials we suffer are great and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
But Hallelujah that the Season dedicated to celebrating the birth of our Savior has arrived again!
Thank you for this sadness because it makes me appreciate the joy a little more.
Thank you that the darkness closing in on me won't suffocate and your shining glory will be my next breath.

Mine!

2009-11-02T08:46:00.000-08:00

Our life is truly not our own. We suffer from a false sense of entitlement as humans.
Everything is mine. Anything I can work hard enough for belongs to me. Anything I want
should be given immediately. Everything I have is because I deserve it.
In "The Screwtape Letters" it is said best:
"And all the time the joke is that the word "mine" in its fully possessive sense cannot be uttered by a human being about anything. In the long run either Our Father (satan) or the Enemy (God) will say "mine" of each thing that exists, and specifically of each man. They will find out in the end, never fear, to whom their time, their souls, and their bodies really belong -certainly not to them, whatever happens. At present the Enemy says "mine" of everything on the pedantic, legalistic ground that He made it. Our Father hopes in the end to say "mine" of all things on the more realistic dynamic ground of conquest."

I should take a few moments out of everyday to remind myself that nothing I have belongs to me. It's all a gift that needs to be shared.

A list of Loves!

2009-10-30T08:50:00.000-07:00

"Everything you love is what makes a life worth living....A life filled with loving is a life most like the one God lives, which is life as it was meant to be (Eph. 5:1-2). And loving requires a heart alive and awake and free. Take a moment and make a list of all the things you love. Don't edit yourself; don't worry about prioritizing or anything of that sort. Simply think of all the things you love."
John Eldridge~ Waking the Dead.

Here's my list in the short version:
Jesus/God/Holy Spirit~The Trinity!
Gunnar
Milam
My entire family
My house
The beach
San Diego
Fresh air and Sunshine
Taking walks
Clothes!!!
Reading
Music/Christmas music
Road trips
Thanksgiving
Hugging orphans
Africa
The weekend
Talking
My girlfriends
My dog (that's right mom, its possible to love an animal!)
Laughing
Dancing
Fall and Spring
Cooking
Blogging
Coffee
Food.....
The list goes on and on!
Please share some of your loves!

Righteousness of Pharisees

2009-10-27T08:27:00.000-07:00

Matthew 5:20
For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of Heaven.

In "Waking the Dead" by John Eldridge he addresses this verse:
"How can that be? They were fastidious rule keepers, pillars of the church, model citizens. Yes, Jesus says, and most if it was hypocrisy. The Pharisees prayed to impress men with their spirituality. They gave to impress men with their generosity. Their actions looked good, but their motives were not. Their hearts, as the saying goes, weren't in the right place. A person's character is determined by his motives, and the motive is always a matter of the heart."

So often we think we are judged by the action instead of the motive behind that action. I am guilty of that almost daily. I do something to look good, I say something to seem spiritual, I offer something to seem generous, I reject a compliment to seem humble.
We read verses in Scripture like this one all the time without truly hearing them.
Our actions should be an outpouring of what is truly in our hearts not something we fabricate to seem like a righteous person.
God knows what is deep down in our hearts and trying to make ourselves look good to men instead of desiring a pure heart before God is the act of a Pharisee.
That's a harsh reality.
But it also gives us the freedom to worry not so much about the outward appearance but spend our energy on allowing God to cultivate in us a deep, genuine, generous, and gentle faith.

Letting Go.

2009-10-26T12:28:00.000-07:00

The past can be a nasty thing. It can also be a tiny treasure that you get the urge to open up every now and then.
For me the past is full of good things I love to remember and bad things I try to forget. I think for men its a lot easier to forget the past, but women have this strange desire to come to terms with EVERYTHING! We feel like we need closure in even the smallest ways. We want to be at peace with the mistakes, the lost loves, the should-haves......
We replay over and over again what might have happened if we had chosen another path. If we had stayed in the same town. If we had chosen a different career. If we had traveled more. If we had chosen different friends or even spouses.
Today is much harder to live when we are constantly looking backwards. I have some heart strings still attached to my past that keep me constantly looking over my shoulder. Things I've thought were long buried, pushed so far down to deny their existence.
Are we ever really going to lay them to rest? Are we meant to just forget them all together? Is it better to ignore them? Or should we have an all out war against them for as long as it takes to end them once and for all? Or perhaps we are meant to look on them fondly as the things that made us who we are.
The past is gone, there's no turning back. Today might be all we've got. I don't want to waste my thoughts on what might have been. I want to embrace this moment. Thankful for its beautiful mess. Thankful that I can choose what to do right now!
I might reconcile the past but I won't be tortured by it.

Top 5

2009-10-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

Creating Top 5 lists is a great way to pass the time on a long road trip.
Milam and I discussed our top 5 favorite bands/artists on our recent trip to Ohio.
For the rest of my life I could only rotate the albums created by any 5 artists my life would
sound something like this:
(in no particular order because I am equally obsessed with them all)

1. Richard Ashcroft (this includes solo records as well as the Verve)
2. No Doubt (Gwen.....you know how I feel)
3. Smashing Pumpkins (Billy, you are so weird)
4. Sixpence (the best records for every kind of day)
5. The Get Up Kids (the vagrant years were the best musical years of my life)

If I was granted one wish and given the gift of having a #6 it would be......
Sigur Ros.
They make me feel all warm inside.....Takk was rocking the hospital room for 12 hours when Gunnar was making his way into this world. That's love!

I want to hear some of your top 5's!
ps. the picture represents the serene feeling of being pregnant; this is how I feel when I'm listening to my top 5s!!!!

Me and Gwen....we're not all that different.

2009-10-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

I've just returned home from a women's bible study this morning, and I am finding myself overwhelmingly thankful for my life.
Wow! I am kind of lost for words.
There is nothing like living your own life. The life you've been chosen to live.
I am obsessed with Gwen Stefani, for any of you who don't know, she is like ridiculously everything I wish I was. I mean, come on, insane!!!!!! Every since I was 12 I have wanted to be her. I was joking yesterday that Gunnar had a play-date with Zuma and Kingston this afternoon and in started my weird thoughts of what life would be like if that was a reality. What if Gwen and I were friends and she brought her kids over to play? I can't even wrap my head around that; she's so idolized in my mind that she doesn't even seem real. Sinful, I know! I wholeheartedly admit that I am in love with her!
After the initial giggle of imagining my kid playing with hers, this nagging voice began to creep in and explain how lame my life really was. I mean what could I talk to Gwen about that she would find even remotely interesting? I'm a mom, just like her, but I don't travel around the world being AMAZING, I don't make insanely fun dance music, I don't have flawless style, my hair is not perfectly platinum, my lips definitely don't look good in bright red lipstick.....it goes on and on.
I can sit and mope that my life is not as fabulous as hers, but I've decided against that!
I have Jesus!! (not that she doesn't! Cause it would be way cool if I could hang out with her once I reach eternity!)
I have Jesus! The life He has blessed, I repeat blessed, me with might not be flashy, expensive, and full of amazing designer clothes. But I've still been blessed with life and it's meant to be lived to the fullest. I intend to do just that!
I will embrace life no matter what. I will embrace the boring days with as much thankfulness as the days when I get to do really exciting things. I will cherish those quiet moments in my quaint (small) house just as much as the moments I'm walking down the streets of Rome or lounging on the white sandy beaches of the Caribbean. I will feel as much accomplishment from one person reading this blog (thanks Mom) as I would if I was Gwen on stage singing for thousands of adoring fans!
Gwen and I aren't all that different. We are both women, created by the same God, who is madly in love with us both. The same God who calls out for me to run to Him is calling her name as well. This truth makes her seem a little more human.

Thoughts?

Being myself is being unique.

2009-10-07T13:03:00.000-07:00

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
-Judy Garland

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
-Coco Chanel

If God wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
-Johann von Goethe

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and
those who matter don't mind.
-Dr. Seuss

Love is a Battlefield.

2009-10-06T19:54:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking on love a lot lately. It's hard to put your finger on what exactly it is for humans to love. When does it start and stop? Why do we love certain people? Why do we fall in and out of "love" so quickly?
God is love and his Son is love. So, I guess that means anything that resembles them or is similar in characteristic to them would be love. God created us to love and be loved. We are most crucially loved by Jesus, and He showed that through the surrender of his own life. He knew the pain he would experience, he knew the names of everyone he would do it for. He saw the ugly and ungrateful hearts of the human race he would sacrifice his life for, give up his oneness with God for.
He separated himself from his Father, from himself. The weight of the world and every ounce of terrifying evil was his burden to bear. He did that for me. That is love.
How can I even compare my human relationships to this? The closest thing I have is being a mom. I would give myself unconditionally 100% of the time for the safety and well-being of my son. His joy is my joy. His pain is mine. There is no end.
What do I need to change in my marriage and friendships to truly love them like the example we were shown in Christ?
My brain is jell-o trying to piece it all together. This is definitely just Part 1.
In the meantime, I would love to hear your thoughts on love, in whatever form.
Stay tuned for Part 2.

Nothin but Sweet.

2009-10-04T19:38:00.000-07:00

I love my little family. We're quite the motley crew!

Gunnar: The life and times.

2009-09-28T10:09:00.001-07:00

Gunnar has been growing insanely fast, so I thought I would give a little update on what the crazy kid has been getting into lately.
He loves!!!!! climbing the stairs which resulted in the first of many freak out mama moments. He fell! Luckily he was ok. He has also recently fallen off the bed. He's so fast, it's hard to catch him.
He has 6 teeth. I'm happy to get a break from teething; those top teeth were a killer.

The first pic is Mr. Bigshot thinking he's cool cause he's standing up in the car.......the car wasn't moving. Don't call child services on us!
The second pic is Gunnar doing some laundry! He's quite domestic for a 9-month old.
The third pic is Uncle Jared babysitting. He loves his aunts and uncles!
The last pic is Mr. G reading a book. The picture is adorable and I so wish he would actually sit and read a book but he was in this position for about 2 seconds!
I love this little guy and watching him change and grow everyday is such an amazing experience.
Stay tuned for more Gunnar stories and more!

Trading Envy for High-fives!

2009-09-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Jesus said, "faith, hope, and love but the greatest of these is love."
Most of us know the 13th Chapter of 1 Corinthians and can recite most of the characteristics of Love. Love is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud....
I think it is a challenge at times, especially between women, to truly love one another. "I will love you as long as you aren't better at something than I am, as long as you aren't as pretty as me, as long as my job is cooler than yours, or I'm more creative. (I hope I'm not the only one that's had thoughts like these!) Maybe I'm a terrible person but I've had thoughts like, "I don't want to be her friend because her clothes are way cuter than mine." It sounds so ridiculous to type out the words that go through my brain. Is it insecurity, lack of maturity, human nature....maybe it's all three.
It hit me this morning as I was reading in 1 Cor. 12 about the Body being made up of many parts, that we all need eachother. There is a reason why we are all so different. That's what makes a community work. This may seem elementary but some of us (me) take a little longer to learn such simple truths.
Not one part of our physical bodies can say to another, "I don't need you." The same is true with the body of Christ. The only way to live a whole balanced life full of all the things God has for us is when we do it with the whole "body!" We balance out the strengths and weaknesses of one another.
How would my life change if I learned to celebrate the strengths of other women in my life instead of letting jealousy take stabs at my self-esteem. I'm not PERFECT.....that means I can't be good at everything!
verse 25 says: so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26: if one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
That's what love is. It's the same in every relationship whether it's a marriage, a friendship, a relative, or whoever it may be.
Learn what it means to celebrate the people in your life, learn how to be thankful for their many amazing gifts and talents because that's what makes everything you are so great!
Embrace that tall gorgeous blond with flawless skin and amazing boots cause you make a dang good chocolate chip cookie and she just might want to learn how!
We are ONE body. It's time we start acting like it. Amen?
I would love to hear some thoughts on this subject so I don't feel quite so alone in my human failures!
Peace and Love.

The Same Spirit

2009-09-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 2: 11-12, 16b
For who among men knows the thoughts of man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us.
But we have the mind of Christ.

It's crazy for me to grasp sharing the same Spirit with God. I have never thought about the Holy Spirit this way until I read these verses. We all know when we admit that we are sinners in need of a Savior, and accept Jesus as that Savior, we receive the Holy Spirit.
His Spirit.
The same Spirit that knows the mind and heart of the living God!
That one Spirit dwells inside of me. It's not a different spirit that God created to keep us accountable and whisper wisdoms into our ears; it's His Spirit.
Let me say it again; His Spirit!
What does that mean in my everyday life? I think, in my very small human mind, that it means if I dig deep enough and invest in some heavy duty q-tips I can actually hear the thoughts of God! We could actually have a conversation, my life could be one huge giant conversation with God. I could live my entire day in a constant gab session with the Creator of the Universe! We could talk about the big things and the things that are of absolutely no consequence! I'm thinking that would erase insecurities, inspire human conversations, create new ways of loving......the possibilities are endless!
I share the same Spirit with God the Father and I have the mind of Christ!
I'm so in shock over this revelation that I don't even know what else to say about it.
I'm going to dwell on this FACT as much as I can. I am excited to see what this does to me!
Any thoughts on this? Is anyone else completely floored by that?

My Dear Wormwood

2009-09-18T08:57:00.000-07:00

Today's lesson from Uncle Screwtape; self-examination void of a truly honest examination.

"You must bring him to a condition in which he can practice self-examination for an hour without discovering any of those facts about himself which are perfectly clear to anyone who has ever lived in the same house with him or worked in the same office."
Screwtape begins that point by saying, "aggravate the most USEFUL human characteristic, the horror and neglect of the obvious."
Shoot. If that's not me than my name aint Ashley and I wasn't born on January 14, 1983!
How easily deceived we are into thinking that our times of reflection or our repentant thoughts are truly 100% honest. I know for sure that I'm not completely honest with myself about the nasty inner workings of my wicked heart. I would love to believe that I can recognize a behavior that needs altering or a judgmental word that needs to be stopped short, but I'm not so sure.
It's like how before you become a parent you can so easily dissect everything wrong with the parenting skills of friends or family. Then you become a parent and you realize it's not that easy.
It takes a lot of guts to sit and ponder what is imperfect about yourself. It takes a lot of courage to hear what the Holy Spirit desires to call to your attention.
If ignorance is bliss than I think I'd like to become the most miserable person on the planet!
I'm going to TRY and be open to my faults and flaws and remind myself that we will always experience growing pains until we reach those pearly gates. Then and only then will we be perfect!
PS. Somehow slugs are finding a way into my kitchen. YUCK!
Oh yeah, and a daily dose of Stella. These pics makes me smile. Oh how I love being her Aunt LeeLee!

Simple Distraction.

2009-09-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

Milam and I have recently started a small group in our house open to people from our church and elsewhere. Welcome to come and get to know people you don't know on a deeper level than the once a week, "hello, how are you?"
We have decided as a group to read C.S. Lewis' "Screwtape Letters."
I just finished the first letter and I have to say I have attempted to read this book many times but have never been able to wrap my brain around what he's saying.
I was struck with a very simple objective that the devil employs and that is; simple distraction. If for a second one's brain starts thinking of the deeper meanings of life you are immediately hit with thoughts of lunch! How simple yet so effective. I know even for believers in Christ we are so easily swayed by this tactic. It's so shameful that we are so simple minded. How exhausting it must be for the Holy Spirit (if He could possibly be exhausted) to deal with such simpletons! Thank goodness we serve a very patient God.
Such an eye-opening few pages into our human makeup and how crafty the devil can be. It's not some elaborate plot against humankind; it's as simple as a hungry belly.
It takes discipline to keep a focused heart and mind. Our bodies are more powerful than we know.
How have the simple distractions gotten you?
It's a good reminder to be in constant prayer so we don't fall prey.
Check out: jaredryanbyers.blogspot.com

Here's to love and full bellies! Go get a sandwich!

Quote

2009-09-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

"The challenge to actually trust God forced me to deconstruct
what I had spent my life constructing....." Brennan Manning.

Finding my lost identity

2009-09-08T18:24:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough day today. I have recently stopped nursing Gunnar and the transition to the bottle was tough on the little guy. I'm happy to report that he is doing exceptionally well. We had one bad day and after that it was smooth sailing. He is sleeping great at night; it's been good for mama and daddy to get a few more zzzzz's!
Today has been a challenge; as Gunnar is becoming more and more mobile it is becoming increasingly difficult to keep him entertained. He has a sixth sense of knowing what he's not supposed to play with and that's exactly where he goes every time. Sometimes I want to scream but other times I just sit back amazed at how fast he's grown.
I am, however, realizing that it's time for me to focus a little more time and attention on projects and ideas that I have. There are so many things that bring joy and a sense of accomplishment for me and I need to do them more often. I need to be more intentional about those sweet moments of peace and quiet. This blog has been one of those things for me.
When you get married I think there is an adjustment in going from single to married. You become blank; blank's wife. I am no longer just Ashley and I haven't been in a few years. Having a child takes you to a whole new level of missing identity. My day revolves around another human being and I am responsible for meeting his needs 24 hours a day. This is by far the greatest most rewarding job of all time.....for me. But I need to do something that's not directly related to changing a diaper, making a bottle, or entertaining an 8-month old every once in awhile.
For some reason I have always thought that the really cool things people got to do were never meant for me. I don't know if it's how I was raised or if I've just always been afraid of failure. I have a tendency to get some great idea and forget about it an hour or week later.
I hate this about myself.
Maybe I've just never really gotten to know myself and accepted her completely. Maybe I haven't accepted that I'm smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, creative enough to accomplish all the things God has waiting for me. I was created in the image of THE Almighty, it's so hard to remember that when I need it the most.
I am going to take the time to start a project and finish it. I am going to get to know myself. Embrace my likes and dislikes. Challenge myself to try something new. Start a conversation with someone I don't know. Pick a favorite color and be proud of it! Listen to the music I love and not worry if it's cool anymore or not. Embrace becoming an adult.
Love who God made me to be!

Lunch break.

2009-08-31T14:23:00.000-07:00

I've decided that even though I don't actually wake up, leave the house, and go to "work," that I still deserve a lunch break.
Everyday I will make it a point to take 30 minutes to an hour to just do nothing!
I will eat in peace, read a book, watch tv, or just sit and think!
As long as Gunnar cooperates and takes his nap everyday, I will do this for myself.
I know this will make me a more patient mama and a more sane wife.
Day one: writing this post, eating cookies, and watching Pretty in Pink!
Ahhhh.....I'm a genius.
Good day.

Being Nice.

2009-08-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

I will be the first to admit that it is a struggle for me to be nice. I am human and by nature sinful; I am full of no holding back meanness! I tend to take this out on my sweet as pie southern husband who has never said a mean thing in his life. We've been married for almost 6 years and part of me can't believe its gone by so fast, but I fear my husband is praising God he's made it this far!
Maybe it's a woman thing; hormones. Maybe it's the exhaustion of having a 7-month old baby who has decided he will NEVER sleep through the night. It could be the monotony of life.....another load of laundry another sink full of dishes. It's not like I didn't always dream of being a wife and a mom. I am just finding it hard lately to smile about picking up one more empty coffee cup and throwing another wandering pair of size 10 1/2 shoes in the closet.
I would love to feel the excitement again of baking my husband his favorite cookies or feeling the joy of giving him a big-fat kiss.
After much thinking I have realized that it's ME! I am the one the blame. Not the hormones, not the empty coffee cup, not the sleep-fighting infant, and certainly not the sweet as pie husband. I made the decision to no longer be nice. To no longer treat my husband with love. To brew all day over the little things. To unload on him the minute he walks in the door. I am an imperfect wife; now you know!
I've decided it's time to keep my self in check. Think before I speak....what a concept. And above all, LOVE. Love till I'm blue in the face. Kiss till my lips fall off! And sing at the top of my lungs at 3 a.m. while I'm awake with my sweet baby boy!
AHHH! That's enough honesty for the day.
I love you Milam.

So long.

2009-08-06T21:01:00.000-07:00

It has been way too long since I've posted.
This has been such a great summer, the highlight for sure has been seeing NO DOUBT!
I've just decided tonight as I was driving in the car that every year for my birthday I am going
to have a No Doubt dance party.....until I die. This might sound crazy, but this is my opportunity to indulge myself!
Another highlight is Baby Joleen was born this week! She is perfect and adorable and I can't wait to give her lots of love and squeezes! I am so happy for Stevee and Brenden. They are going to be amazing parents.
Gunnar news:
Two new teeth have popped up this week. Top teeth have proved to be more of a bother for him than when the bottom two came in.
He has started to scootch this week as well, so that means crawling will soon follow. Thinking of all the baby proofing that needs to be done makes my head spin! Ahhhh!!!! I never realized what a death trap your living room can be!
Alright, bed time for mama! Hopefully I can get myself back in the routine and not wait so long for my next post.

Blah!

2009-06-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

I haven't been feeling very inspired to blog/write as of lately. This makes me very sad because writing makes me happy. I guess I've been too tired at the end of the day to get these fingers to do some typing.
I figured I would post an amazing picture of Gunnar and maybe that will inspire me.
By the way, I saw the New Moon trailor today....Can't wait! AHHH. Those freaking vampire books are amazing.

My little one.

2009-05-16T21:27:00.000-07:00

Life is beautiful. The life of my little one is beyond beautiful.

How fast time goes.

2009-05-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

I have been reflecting a lot this week on the past and looking towards the future. One year ago this week I found out that the baby I had been desperately praying for was finally growing inside of me. I also lost my grandpa that week. I attached a little something I wrote for my Grandma when he died. I guess it's true what they say, the Lord gives and He takes away.

The Man, the Myth, the Legend.
Rome Tersigni; Roe, Romeo, Pops, Gramps….a few of the endearing names I remember to be my Grandpa.
Roe Tersigni was the most legendary man I have ever known. I am honored to have been blessed with such an amazing grandfather.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood since he passed and it makes me sad to know we will never make new memories. That’s why its even more important for me to remember the old cherished ones.
He was the most handsome Italian man to ever live; I love looking at old pictures of him and Grandma because I always think to myself, “Dang, Grandpa was a hottie, and Mary-Jane was and still is a true beauty.
I love the 40’s, I think it was the greatest time in American History. Even during the war, I can hear my Grandma telling the stories now; the women pulled together and went to work while the men were away. Supporting their country, their husbands, brothers, fathers.
Mary-Jane and Romeo were the classic couple, they fit so well together. A true example of what marriage really looks like and how to be happy even after 60 some years. I think it was the jokes that kept them going. They always used to say that Grandma was still on probation….he wasn’t sure yet if he was gonna keep her. But we all saw that sparkle in his eye and smirk on his face every time he looked at her.
Us grandkids remember the soft cuddly gentle Grandpa who would give you a swift kick in the pants every now and then if you needed it. No one messes with Romeo Tersigni!
He always seemed to save the day. Like the time my older sister and cousin wouldn’t let me in on the “girl time.” Of course I was devastated, so Grandpa took me to Toys-R-Us to get a baton and pom-poms, and then for ice cream. I remember walking into the house with my mint chocolate chip cone feeling the sweet victory of just me and Grandpa hanging out.
I remember one night around Christmas all the family was together and one of the neighbors came running to the door. It was snowing outside and she was barefoot; someone had broken into her house. My Grandpa was the first one out the door with his golf club ready to kick some you know what.
You learned quickly in life to respect Grandpa’s stuff. Don’t even think about slamming his car door, cause you would for sure have to go back and re-shut it! I mean that car was immaculate. He would open up the hood and clean it out with a rag. Any important paperwork was paper-clipped very neatly inside. He had a box in the back seat with any sort of odds and ends that might be needed; like newspaper.
He smelled like caress soap, probably because he was constantly washing his hands. He had the cleanest fingernails of any human being on the planet. And you can be sure he was always telling you to wash yours.
He was a worrywart. Always wondering where you were going and who was driving. In my teen years we lived next door to Grandma and Grandpa. At 13 I couldn’t appreciate it but as I grew older I realized what a treasure that was to be washing the dishes and looking out the kitchen window to see Grandpa coming back from somewhere.
He was probably coming back from the dog races. He loved going to West Virginia to the dog track. The one memory I have of going is my sister Danielle and I in the back seat eating gold fish crackers. Apparently the way to WV is a windy road and we had to pull over because Danielle was puking orange!
He loved sweets. Chocolate Almond fudge ice cream, licorice; whatever you got. I remember talking to Grandma a few months ago about them playing a game of bingo and I asked if they won any money. She replied very enthusiastically “No, but Grandpa won a Milky Way.” Man, I knew that candy bar was better than gold to the Ol Sweet-tooth. His one last vice in life, which a spat with pneumonia made difficult, was Wendy’s Frosty’s. Sneak that man a frosty behind Mary-Jane’s back and you had a best friend for life.
He always had a hat on, and for some reason I always picture this bright red cardigan, his hemmed jeans, and sweet white kicks. He was always to be found in his chair….watching a game or napping.
He was a simple man; he loved his family. I can never really figure out exactly what he did for a living. He worked at a liquor store, he invested in real estate, he opened up an ice cream shop. It’s hard to believe in today’s society, but it didn’t matter to me what he did. We didn’t look to him to achieve record breaking anything or make millions. He was our hero because he was Romeo. He raised 6 kids, took care of his parents and sister, was a part of the community, and my personal favorite of all the roles he played…..our Grandpa. A true Romeo.
He will be remembered always, and I pray that everyday I remember another memory of him.
I love you Grampie; meet you soon at the pearly gates.

Doing the dirty

2009-05-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

As I reflect on my day a huge smile comes across my face; I love when you have those kinds of days.
Stella (my sassy 2-year old niece) was over this afternoon while my sister was at the tattoo shop. Side note: Danielle, my sister, got a tattoo today, on her arm, of a lion. She wanted to get something to remind her to have courage and not be afraid. I thought that was such a cool idea, it reminds me of Aslan and when you see him you just feel this deep connection to Jesus. He's so huge and could crush you in an instant but at the same time so gentle you could just curl up in his arms (or paws)!
I love tattoos that inspire something deeper in us than our everyday thoughts about ordinary things. We can stop and remind ourselves of who we are and what we're really doing here. We can remind ourselves to be brave and have courage when we feel like insecure gypsies....out of our element away from our eternal home. We can stop to rememeber that we aren't just wandering through life and that walking beside us is a massive, loving Savior.
Anyway, back to the reason for the huge smile on my face.
So Stella was playing and from across the room I could smell the "nasty" wafting my way. So like the good aunt that I am, I proceed to change her diaper knowing full well the consequences of this kids' poopy diapers. They're enough to knock you into next week.
Stella has started wearing pull-ups and I didn't realize that they worked just like a regular diaper, so I started to pull it down. I had a feeling that this wasn't going to go as smoothly as I had hoped. We almost have the diaper off when Stella kicks out her leg, my hand goes straight into the poo, it's all over the kid and she's taking off with it all over her feet!!!
I grab her as quick as I can, grab my baby, and head upstairs. There is no way to salvage this mess with wet wipes, she goes straight into the tub.
After her bath I go to grab Gunnar out of his crib and I see poop all over him and his blanket!!!!!
The child had exploded through his diaper, through his clothes, and onto the blankets in his crib! I had to just start laughing, I mean what's the deal? Do kids send secret messages to eachother, "hey, I'm pooping right now it would be so cool if you did too"!
Needless to say I was glad to have that half hour behind me.
I think about moms with multiple kids and you have to give them mad props.....that's a tough job.
Another day, another dollar.
Good night world.

Welcome to my blog.

2009-05-11T11:39:00.000-07:00

So I have been dying to find the time to start a blog. We all know how hard it can be to find the time to start anything new, but today is my day!
Baby has been taking great naps in his crib today which has left me with some time to BLOG! Thank you Lord!
I have so many random and focused thoughts that I want to get out and share with anyone who might care (which could quite possibly only be my mother)!
So anyhoo.....my blog will be all things me.....my obsession with walking, my undying love for the San Diego Zoo, my thoughts on the latest book I've read, quotes from my adorably sassy 2-year old niece, or a yummy new recipe.
All things life: the good, the bad, the ugly.
The Extraordinary Ordinary.
Gotta go.....my streak of great naps has sadly come to an end.